I get asked this question regularly. “How can I stay positive in a negative work environment?” I understand how easy to get sucked into negativity, drama, or a bad attitude when you are in a toxic work environment.
Some people want to pull you into their emotional drama—rude comments about others, sarcastic undertones, and the energy vampires who want to drag everyone else down with them. People don’t even realize that they have a negative attitude because it has become a habit and spills into their personal lives.
When working in a toxic environment, people may start to take everything personally because of the feeling of being verbally attacked, mutilated, one-upping, taken advantage of, or pointing out mistakes or faults. As time goes on, it takes a toll on people’s emotions.
If you have been following me for a while, you know I have written about similar topics before. This situation is one of the biggest challenges people face when working with others. However, there is hope.
What are some strategies to help stay positive?
Walk away when drama is happening around you. Please don’t engage in it. Excuse yourself from the conversation.
When there are unkind remarks about someone else, say something nice about that particular person. This action tends to halt the conversation.
Listen to uplifting music – like 528 Hz Positive Energy music on Youtube.
Recite Positive Affirmations.
Journal how you are feeling.
Go for a walk.
Focus on work tasks.
Be the person you want to be around. Focus on what you want in your life and remove the thoughts of what you don’t. Set goals of how you are going to change your situation and put them into action. Hire a coach to help you succeed to get where you want to be. ~ Patti
If you would like to work with me for coaching services, click the “Schedule Now” button below.
In this podcast episode, Angela and Patti discuss Finding Purpose Beyond Work.
Having some work-life balance keeps communication open and nourishes your relationships. Take time out weekly to cherish your family life, spend time with a friend, a hobby and make some time to rest, so your life is fulfilled?
Here are some self-reflection questions to ponder if you are overworking:Am I putting my work or career ahead of everything else? What is it doing to my relationships? Am I saying yes to an unreasonable workload and not taking time off or vacation? Am I connecting to my family? Do I have true friends? Am I happy? Do I smile? Am I kind to others at work?
What does being successful look like?
What is a satisfying life?
What is a purposeful life?
What is a meaningful life?
Purpose is not always about big-scale plans. Purpose is about meeting people who can help you get to the next stage of life. Many of the most important or valuable connections in life start by meeting other people and seeing what opportunities may come.
Angela helps business owners with spirit work. What are the spiritual reasons you incarnated to have this business or life? Your business and life are often a lesson to help you develop – it’s not only about the money. Of Course, there will be challenges and learnings about money. For more information on how to work with Angela go to – https://dancewithangelahealing.as.me/
My Business Coach Cheryl Thacker recently posted this story; the author is unknown, and it touched me deeply, and I would like to share it with you.
Here’s the story:
Before he died, a father said to his son, “Here is a watch that your grandfather gave me. It is almost 200 years old. Before I give it to you, go to the jewelry store and tell them that I want to sell it, and see how much they offer you.” The son went to the jewelry store, came back to his father, and said, “They offered $150.00 because it’s so old.” The father said, “Go to the pawnshop.” The son went to the pawnshop, came back to his father, and said, “The pawnshop offered $10.00 because it looks so worn.” The father asked his son to go to the museum and show them the watch. He went to the museum, came back, and said to his father, “The curator offered $500,000.00 for this rare piece to include in their precious antique collections.” The father said, “I wanted to let you know that the right place values you in the right way. Don’t find yourself in the wrong place and get angry if you are not valued. Those that know your value are those who appreciate you, don’t stay in a place where nobody sees your value.”
I’m sure many of you can relate to the end of the story and felt it.
The right place values you in the right way. Don’t find yourself in the wrong place and get angry if you are not valued. Those that know your value are those who appreciate you, don’t stay in a place where nobody sees your value. ~ unknown
Many of us have worked or currently work in industries where being criticized, under-appreciated, under-minded, devalued, flaws and mistakes are pointed out and not forgiven.
The mind games can bring people to their knees, break them down and destroy good honest people.
Like the story, if a job or career is slowly killing you, it’s time to start putting together a strategy exit plan into action and go somewhere you’re valued. Be with people who light you up and appreciate your talents and contributions.
If you would like to talk about your work situation with me, schedule a discovery session with me; click on the “Schedule Now” button below.
Do you remember the days when you were excited to get up and go to work? You loved having this career and learning new things. You lit up the office with your enthusiasm. You were like a sponge; you soaked up all the knowledge you could get.
When did everything at work change from excitement to dread?
Was it a slow fade over time?
How did it happen?
What changed in you, and you started to dread going into the office?
When did your job tasks become mundane?
I think we all have been here at some time or another with a job position. We want something more challenging and exciting if you feel like this; maybe it is time for a new direction in your career path.
How is your attitude at work affecting those around you and yourself?
You know what you want and what you don’t want. What is holding you in a job that you feel bored and on the road to nowhere?
What could make you feel alive again with your work situation?
Reflect on all these questions and think about what are some solutions for you? You know something needs to give, but the only way it will change is if you put it into action.
If you would like to schedule one-on-one coaching sessions with me, click on the “Schedule Now” Button Below.
I’m sure we have all meet someone who seems to have it all together and projects they have a perfect life. They post all this fun and fabulous stuff on Facebook about their life. They have a great career, a huge house, a brand new car, and a loving home life from appearances, then, later on, you find out it was all a show.
What about a leader that appears to be perfect?
Is anyone genuinely perfect? Hell no, we all have quirks, habits, personalities that may rub someone the wrong way at times and make mistakes; that is what a human does.
Do you respect someone who looks and acts like they are perfect, or do you question their authenticity?
Who do you respect more, someone who is a hot mess but holds it all together or a fake perfect person that is always looking to make a great impression?
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should scatter all your dirty laundry around at work. However, when someone comes across as always perfect and doesn’t make mistakes, it leaves suspicion and lack of trust. By not showing your human side, it is hard to build lasting relationships. You may be called a fair-weather person.
What makes a good leader is they admit they are imperfect and care about doing a good job, the staff, their coworkers, and customers.
What are your thoughts? 🦋 Does perfection equal an outstanding leader? 🦋 Or something completely different?
The other day I was at an appointment, and the doctor told me that they were desperate to hire someone quickly. She said if they got a pulse, they got the job. We both laughed. She said we need another body in here as soon as possible. Sometimes, I said, you know, that doesn’t always work out because they may not be a good fit or worker with that philosophy. The funny thing is my husband was talking to me a while back and suggested that I should write a blog post for “You’ve Got A Pulse, You Got the Job!” I guess God and the universe are telling me it is time to write it.
Filling a chair or position to have a body in it is not a very good idea. When hiring supervisors don’t spend the time to make sure the candidate is someone qualified and will connect well with staff and customers in the long run, it will cause more anguish for everyone involved. Why is that?
One person’s bad attitude, incompetency, or lack of motivation can destroy a cohesive work environment.
Yes, I understand that some companies are understaffed and need people immediately because of high turnover, high caseload, or staffing ratio to the patients or security and safety reasons. However, look at time and expense training someone you will eventually have to let go, or worse, keep someone that is incompetent or a kick-starter to the other employees and customers and causes turmoil in the workplace.
Lowering the hiring standards is not the answer!
Take some time in the hiring process to get to know the candidate. Review the resume and job application. Does this person change jobs every few months? If so, why? Are they promotions or some other reason listed? If not listed, ask the candidate. What kind of positions have they done in the past? Is it equal to the job qualifications? Have specific questions about the job in the interview for the candidate to answer. Were the answers clear and concise, and right? After the interview, call the candidate’s references. Have specific questions about attendance, team player, customer service, and work performance.
If references check out with useful recommendations to the questions answered, ask the candidate to come back and meet your staff if this allowable in your company. Have the candidate engage with the team maybe see what the job duties entail. Remember, the employees have a vested interest because they have to work with this person too. If you have an open, honest relationship with your employees, they will give you their opinion. Ultimately you have the final answer on who to hire and who not to hire.
Spending a little time checking out the candidate may save you, your staff, and customers frustration and protect the company bottom-line on training the wrong person.
To schedule “one on one coaching” with Patti – click on the “Schedule Now” button below:
In this episode, Angela and Patti explored criticism and how to respond without it overtaking emotions. To listen to the full episode, click here or on the media player below.
When we thought about this topic, we wanted to know how you handle constructive feedback in your relationships and the work environment.
Some say that Millennials and Gen Z are more sensitive and don’t respond proactively to criticism but instead get demotivated by criticism. So if you’re a Millennial, Gen Z, or any generation, we would love to hear your point of view.
How do you feel about criticism?
Do you want it reframed in positive language?
Can you handle someone saying they don’t like something about what you did?
Can you distinguish between criticism about something you did or said versus about you personally?
Do you find that the older generation’s language comes across critically, and you don’t like it?
Patti shares her experiences on handing criticism in the workplace, and Angela shares how we react from past perceptions of ourselves when we get criticized. Patti and Angela share how to move beyond emotions when receiving criticism and tips on how to respond.
My journal is what I want it to be, what I need it to be, each time I open it and put my pen to the page. This is what a journal is meant to be. ~ Plynn Gutman, Your Journal Companion 365 Writing Prompts to Heighten Awareness of Self and Others
(Patti) Plynn makes the journaling process easy with an entire year’s worth of thought-provoking writing prompts. She explains the emotional and physiological benefits of personal writing gives instruction on several powerful writing techniques and offers tips on “how, where, and when” to start the process.
(Patti) In that presentation, Plynn made journaling fun, easy, and relaxing. We did a few different journaling techniques with her, and I have been hooked on journaling ever since.
(Angela) I started journaling when I was 12 yrs old. At an age where I had very raw feelings, I discovered that I couldn’t put them anywhere; I could put them in my journal. This was in the 80s. For some reason, at school, my teacher had introduced that concept of a journal instead of a diary. And she taught us that a journal was where you could explore writing, but not writing for others, writing for yourself. And being a socially awkward kid who felt I didn’t belong, I found it the perfect place to write my feelings. I also felt my English teacher – Mrs. Casey, was permitting me to dispose of feelings that I didn’t want to share publicly.
(Angela) Later on, Mrs. Casey read our journals, which were part of our English work, and I wasn’t afraid of her reading my journal. And her encouragement to keep writing was key to me continuing the process of having a private space to dive into myself, my feelings, my creative thoughts, ideas, and the not so great stuff too, or my shadow. I always remember that time at school as a clear moment my teacher was giving me a way out of feeling uncomfortable in myself, and gently encouraged me to write out my feelings so that they had a safe space to be heard.
(Angela) After Mrs. Casey read my first journal, I kept my journals private, and they have been a constant resource for me to write my thoughts, ideas, and later in life, my realizations from my soul and my meditation practice.
(Angela) I often wonder what would have happened if I didn’t have that first year of writing encouraged by a teacher. Would I have written anyway? I don’t know.
(Angela) I do know that the habit of using a journal started very young for me and has saved my relationships by giving me a space to write my feelings, see my feelings and not project my feelings on others because my priority of journaling gave me the habit of writing my feelings in an attempt to externalize them, to try to understand them and this developed to a deeper level the most important relationship, the relationship with myself by writing my feelings and reading them, and developing an ongoing relationship with myself so that I could understand my feelings.
(Angela) To this day – I can go back and read some of the old journals, and still discover things about myself. Some things have stayed constant over time, and some things have changed so significantly, and that has helped me learn the power of recording and watching my journey in life through journaling.
(Patti) When I was probably about 9 to 10 years old, my Mom or Grandmother gave me a diary that had a lock and key. I wonder what happened to it. It would have been fun to read what I wrote in it today.
(Angela) Patti – I have a question: When you discovered the power of journaling with Plynn – How did you start using it in your life and relationships?
(Patti) Great question Angela, journaling was new to me. It opened up so many things for me. Instead of verbally sharing my feelings and emotions on someone else I started using journaling. This helped me not project my anger or judgment on others. Plynn’s book and app have daily journaling prompts, which helped me get into the habit of journaling. She made it easy to want to journal. Then I moved on to journaling on my own. When upset or needed to brain dump or brainstorm for solutions to problems, I would journal whether in a relationship or feelings that needed to be released. These are private thoughts that I was feeling at that moment. Sometimes I would burn or shred what I wrote. I also keep an idea journal, career journal, and a scattered journal. A scatter journal is a journal that I put random thoughts in. My made-up word for the scattered journal. I watched a documentary that Agatha Christie would write down ideas all over the place in journals.
(Patti) What are some of the biggest challenges in starting to journal?
Or not knowing how?
(Patti) Choose a time to journal daily. It can be when you get up in the morning, on your lunchtime, or before going to sleep. You may want to use journaling prompts or self-reflect about your day. Journaling can open up your mind to change and inspire you to pursue your dreams, aspirations, and goals. It allows you to alter your thoughts, which block you. Find someplace peaceful, quiet that you can think and write.
(Patti) When the weather’s nice, I like to journal outside on my patio. Some of my best journaling experiences are when on vacation or camping. Being outdoors is very refreshing. Schedule journaling time and be consistent. You can journal anywhere.
Some of my best journaling experiences are when on vacation or camping. Being outdoors is very refreshing. Schedule journaling time and be consistent. You can journal anywhere. ~ Patti Oskvarek, Leadership and Work-Life Balance Coach
(Patti) What do you need for journaling?
Pen and Paper or
A notebook or journal or
There are journal apps or
Journaling Prompts on Pinterest, Writing Coaches Websites, etc.
(Angela) Tip: You can choose a time of day that suits your journal’s focus and the best way to maximize your consciousness.
(Angela) The morning is good for setting your intent and energy for the day.
(Angela) The night before sleep is good for reviewing problems, patterns, and whether you achieved your goal for the day, or if you set an intention for your relationships to be calm in the morning, in the evening, you can review – How did this go?
(Angela) I sometimes set myself a journal exercise, for example at noon to review my feelings, so I set the alarm and check in with my feelings at noon and write.
(Angela) What time of day do you naturally feel like looking inward? If you don’t have a habit of looking inward, you can start by setting a time to focus on one question. Write on it – and then after one week of journaling, ask yourself, was this the best time for me to journal? If not, ask yourself what a better time to journal is. Sometimes we create obstacles to journaling because you’re trying to write at the wrong time of day that is the best time of day to connect with yourself and your intuition. I have clients who have resistance to journaling, and sometimes it’s because they are writing at the wrong time of the day or week.
(Angela) If you are not really convinced that journaling can change you in a way that brings outer world success, you can measure this success. When you journal over time, you can watch the change in your connection to your inner world, which changes the way you act or behave in your relationships.
(Angela) Journaling over a period of time with gradual and consistent practice brings deep change. It’s like water dripping on a rock over time. You get this beautiful shape formed by the water constantly moving through the rock.
(Angela) Patti has some specific questions to answer in your journal about relationships which could start to change the way you understand yourself and your relationships. And these questions you can come back to over time to build an ongoing relationship with yourself. This is how coaches use questions to write answers to develop self-knowledge and deepen your relationship with yourself.
(Patti) Here is some Journaling prompts to deepen and save your relationships: Most of these prompts can be used with any relationship type—friendship, romantic, family, or work.
Describe what you want in the relationship?
Describe what you don’t want in the relationship?
What is the relationship like at the moment?
What is working well in the relationship?
What one thing can you do to make the relationship better and more of what you want it to be?
What does love mean to you?
What does love mean to your partner?
What is meaningful about the relationship?
What are some of your expectations for the relationship?
What is meaningful about your relationship?
(Angela) Number 6 – What does love mean to you that could be a whole book for one person!
(Angela) Questions from a coach can make journaling a lot more structured for anyone unsure where to start when it comes to your relationships. We’ll have those questions in the show notes.
(Angela) And the beauty of a question like number 6 – What does love mean to you – you can keep writing on this topic for many years.
(Angela) I want to invite listeners if there is anything that persistently bugs you – like – why do people act the way they do, why are people unkind – these are great topics to start writing on. I used to write on desire because I was obsessed with understanding why do we want things? Why do we want a person, why do we want an experience in life – and this was a large part of what I wrote on – to understand what I was curious about in the human condition.
(Angela) Curiosity is something that journaling can help you discover more and feed into your relationships.
(Angela) If you have a love relationship that has gotten stale, often there is a deeper need to understand something.
(Angela) It’s very easy to complain about your partner, being ‘not this or not that.’
(Angela) But how often do you get curious about how your partner thinks, why they do the things they do – and also what inspires them.
(Angela) When you journal on questions like:
(Angela) 10 What is meaningful about your relationship?
(Angela) You can start to share deeper things with your partner.
(Angela) That question Patti reminds me about another topic we want to have as a podcast – Can you say I love you? I find people are so unaware of what is the meaning of a relationship – and don’t know how to say “I love you” because they never had the time to contemplate what is the significance of a person to them – or Why a relationship has meaning and value for them. This is why coaching is so valuable – We give clients these value-based questions to help them find meaningful information.
(Angela) And you can always use these questions to go deeper with yourself in the writing process. When you find deeper meaning in your relationship, you can value it and look at it differently instead of getting stuck on what the blocks in the relationship will be. If you don’t know what is meaningful in a relationship, you can’t save the relationship because you don’t know why you want the relationship.
If you don’t know what is meaningful in a relationship, you can’t save the relationship because you don’t know why you want the relationship. ~ Angela Ambrosia, Love and Relationship Coach
(Patti) Journal even when you are feeling disengaged, upset, disappointed, or confused about your relationship, this can be one of the best times to reflect on the relationship situation and get out every ugly thing that has been left unsaid.
(Patti) Journal about happy times in your relationships and refer back to those moments to remind you why you love that person. Create happy moments or gratitude journals.
(Patti) Why is this good for relationships?
(Patti) When you journal about your feelings, you are not taking those emotions out on others. It lets you brain dump and removes all toxic thoughts. Once those emotions and thoughts have been exhaled you can move into rational solutions.
(Angela) Some questions on feelings when you get to a block in a relationship, or your feelings are hurt or coming up.
What am I feeling?
Why am I feeling this?
Is this my feeling – or am I picking up someone else’s feelings?
(Angela) Sometimes, especially if you are an emotional or sensitive person, you get lost in a feeling thinking it is yours, but in relationships, we also are feeling and impacted by the feelings of those we are in a relationship with especially close loved ones, children, parents, lovers, and friends. And even co-workers or neighbors have a deep impact on us especially if we are around them regularly.
(Angela) Patti, Have did you use journaling to save relationships in the work environment?
(Patti) Yes, I had a work journal. I used it to problem solve, work out issues, and emotions. I also gave my staff at the time a work journal. Some used the journal, and some did not. It was their personal choice whether to use it or not. Dumping your thoughts into the work journal helped in so many ways, instead of projecting emotions on others. It gave time to self-reflect instead of a knee-jerk reaction to a solution or problem. I wish I used it more than I did. It could have changed outcomes for the better. Daily work interactions are very much learning experiences when working with others. There are different points of view and work backgrounds. Reflecting on the situation through journaling gives you a new perspective of maybe I could do it differently with a better result.
(Angela) Patti, How did you use journaling to problem solve and brainstorm at work?
(Patti) When something comes up that I need to figure out, pulling out the journal helps make lists of how to solve the problem or situation by brainstorming solutions or ideas to develop different ways to tackle issues or communicate with others. Then brainstorm with others the ideas you’ve come up with. So when I brainstorm, I freestyle the process with no editing. When you edit while you write, your critic’s brain comes out, and you use the flow of ideas. No idea is a bad idea when in the brainstorming process. Working with others in a group journaling on the whiteboard ideas is an excellent way to come with something you wouldn’t think of. Working as a team and journaling is a way to throw out ideas towards solutions. Ask a question to the team and have them journal for solutions. I’ve seen great ideas come up when doing this. Individuals have private time to think and then feel comfortable sharing ideas when they feel safe. People need to feel that they won’t be criticized or reprimanded for their ideas for people to share.
(Angela) Tip: I have recently reviewed some journals where I did a dump of some quite dark emotions. On the one hand, it was good to see that I no longer feel that way. However, I also burned some of the old journals that I felt were no longer me, and the words or feelings in the journal were not something I want to keep. I tore out a few pages, and a few whole journals went into the fire. Sometimes, the writing isn’t necessary to stay forever; sometimes, the writing is to be kept to remind you in your future of where you came from, and how different or connected that is to where you are now.
(Angela) So if you have something that is particularly dark – you can always burn it, which releases the energy.
(Angela) And if you burn something and later think – oh, I wish I hadn’t destroyed it – you can always make a quiet time, sit and think. What was the relevance of what I wrote to what I am moving through now in my life?
(Angela) The significance of what you wrote will still be inside you somewhere, even if your words are not the same. The meaning and feeling will be accessible, and you can connect to it, and journal on the significance of that past piece of journaling.
(Patti) I find that journaling is good for you in so many ways. If there is something, you never want to be seen by others, destroy it by burning or shredding it. Those are your personal thoughts in time, and it is an excellent way to release them. Keep your journals in a secure private place. There are journal apps, and you can make a secure password-protected document on your computer for journaling as well.
(Angela) Try out journaling and let us know if it has made a positive difference in your relationships with others.
(Patti) If you have a topic or a question for us, please leave us a comment or voice message on the Anchor App. You can also listen to this podcast on most major podcast listening platforms like Apple and Spotify.
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DISCLOSURE: Please be aware that Angela and Patti may be sharing affiliate links in this podcast/post. Please know that we only ever share products and services that we use or have used ourselves and found great value.
(Patti) The idea came from watching the movie “Sensitivity Training”. It caught my eye because it was about a life/business coach and her reluctant client.
Questions for the Listeners:
Do you want an insensitive society?
Are you happy being complacent when people are being ignored, hurt or treated badly?
(Angela) Gentle movement has shown me that softness allows the compassionate part of us to expand, and that compassion is mostly (if not always) more often with yourself, after compassion with yourself, comes discovery, awe and other awarenesses about the gift of your body, the gift of life, the gift of breathing, the beauty of so much if you want to know more check out https://dancewithangelahealing.as.me/ and sign up for the newsletter; https://bit.ly/3fI6EpQ
Reflect – Does it need to be said?
Will they listen to the feedback and take it to heart or will it cause more conflict and damage to the relationship?
Do I need to end this relationship for my mental health?
Sometimes you can’t totally end the relationship, but you can distance yourself and put up boundaries. I try to remember each person we interact with may be faced with some hard life challenges that are not discussed, and some are hurting so deeply with emotional wounds that have not been addressed and healed.
There are times throughout our lives and careers; we may say something offensive to someone and not even realize it. It was unintentional; however, we learn from those mistakes and continue to grow as a person, coworker, parent, child, sibling, spouse, manager, supervisor, and leader. Apologize when you should. Take time to listen, observe, and be open to other people’s points of view. Be coachable. Take personal development courses and read books. Hire a coach to help you get through any challenges you are facing. Learn from your daily interactions and reflect on how to do better next time around.
Thank you for listening and supporting the podcast. We would love to hear your answers to the questions. Leave us a comment or voice message on Anchor.
Become a monthly supporter of Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela and Patti a podcast. Click on the support button in the Anchor App. “By supporting Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela and Patti podcast with donations this helps sustain future episodes. Thank you for listening and sharing. 🙂 ”
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This month’s topic theme is going to be about burnout. Has it ever happened to you? It is not fun, but it is becoming more common for people in management positions and high demanding careers.
I came across this movie, “Sweet Home Carolina,” on Tubi. It starts with Diane sitting in her office, not answering her office phone, and hyperventilating into a brown bag.
Burnout is what happens when the soul whispering against an unhealthy job or relationship. – Dr. Dina Glouberman
Diane is an Advertising Executive, and her personal life is a mess. She works long hours and has a habit of picking up her youngest child late from school. Her oldest teenage daughter is angry with her over the divorce of her parents and blames Diane. Diane is receiving collection notices in the mail. She is a train wreck ready to happen. Family dinners consist of frozen lasagna and Diane drinking a few glasses of wine before going to bed.
Don’t get so busy making a living, that you forget to make a life. – Dolly Parton
When Diane thought her life couldn’t get any worst. Her boss called her into his office and gave away her biggest client to a coworker. Then told her she needed to take some time off (permanently). A life preserver happened; her Aunt, who recently passed away, left her a house in a small town in South Carolina. The stipulations were taking care of her Aunt’s dog and living in the house for a year. She subleased her home in Los Angeles, and she and her daughters moved.
Don’t accept burnout as the price or definition of success. – Jon Acuff
The demanding career, the big house, and a fancy car is not everything. What makes true happiness? In Diane’s case, she realized that most important to her was a loving, respectful relationship with her daughters, a good man who loved her deeply, and a small town of caring people.
Sometimes we choose a career because of the large paycheck and later realize the job has cost us more than we bargained. No social life, no friends, damaged love life, estranged family, health problems, a lack of purpose, and what happened to my enthusiasm and happiness?
Think about your life. Is this the way I want my story to end?