Posted in Blog, Personal Inspiration

Damaged Relationships – Are They Salvageable?

Most of us have some sort of damaged relationships.  Even I have wounds and I struggle with forgiveness.  I know we should forgive and forget. Non-forgiveness causes physical and emotional harm.  Forgiveness will set us free, but what if the person you want to forgive continues the same hurtful behavior?

  • Apologies are never given.
  • Hurtful words are not forgotten.
  • Gossiping, bullying, and sharp razor tongues continue.
  • Boundaries are pushed aside or dismissed.
  • The people pleasers trying to pacify everyone, instead makes everything worse.
  • Family members speaking ill of each other or about someone’s spouse even when their children are in the room.

When these types of dynamics continue to go on and don’t stop.  Children get hurt and carry those damaged emotions forever and the disruptive behavior carries on.

How can relationships heal if these type of behaviors are allowed to continue and fester?  They can’t.  Something has to change.

Are these relationships salvageable?

To be honest, I believe some yes and some no.

Yes, if both parties want this conflict resolved and if willing to sit down,  respectfully communicate with each other, listen to each other side of the situation and then both apologize.  I believe with continual effort and respectfulness it is salvageable.

No, if one of the parties doesn’t want to resolve it, or apologize, or doesn’t want to make the situation better.

Each individual is responsible for their own actions and the words they speak.  I am very guilty of letting the cycle continue instead of putting a stop to it myself.  Especially when trying to enforce boundaries, so the behavior will stop.  There will be people who will bust down those fences or bully their way in.

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. ~ Spanish Proverb

How do you stop the gossiping and ill talk?

One person at a time.  When someone speaks bad about another family member – walk away, change the subject, or say to them politely, I don’t want to hear this, or say something nice about the person who is being gossiped about.  I know this may be uncomfortable.  Believe me, I struggle with this myself.  I am definitely, a work in progress and probably always will be.  Hurtful words are weapons and when people are wounded, they will afflict pain on others.

Strategies to Halt Gossip:

  • Awareness of what is happening
  • Say something nice or nothing at all
  • Don’t repeat gossip or something you were told in confidence
  • Make a conscious decision to stop these behaviors

Words once spoken can never be recalled. ~ Wentworth Dillion

How would you feel, if you heard others speaking unkind about you?

Would you forgive?

Would you react?

Would you ignore it?

Would you not care?

Gossiping and speaking bad about others has become an acceptable social activity.  Whether it is at home or at work.  

The next time you are about to say something unkind about someone.

Pause and reflect:

How would I feel if someone said that about me?

How would it make that person feel?

Would those words hurt others I love?

 

Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.

How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link  21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop.

Stay up to date and receive the Coaching for Inspiration with Patti quarterly newsletter by clicking HERE.

Follow Coaching for Inspiration with Patti for daily updates on FACEBOOK  and TWITTER

Follow Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Facebook Group

Listen to Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Podcast

Follow Work-Life Balance with Patti Facebook Group

Are you interested in coaching with me?  I have coaching packages available.  Contact me at patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

 

Posted in Blog, Business Inspiration, Career Inspiration, Inspirational Moments, Leadership Inspiration, Personal Inspiration, Podcasts, Video

Building Better Relationships [Podcast] Episode 4 – Beyond Comparison and Accepting One-Self


In case you missed the Facebook Live Video where Angela Ambrosia, Love & Relationship Coach and Patti Oskvarek, Leadership & Work-Life Balance Coach discuss Beyond Comparison and Accepting One-Self.

Or

You can listen to the Podcast Episode 4 – Beyond Comparison and Accepting One-Self.

Please share this podcast with others, push the like button on Anchor and leave us an encouraging review.

Angela and I would like to thank our sponsor Brandless for supporting our podcast.  To learn more about Brandless click here on the link.

Also, come and join the Building Building Relationships Facebook Group. We share all kinds of things about creating better relationships. 

Please feel free to share, comments and questions are always welcome.   

Posted in Blog, Inspirational Moments, Leadership Inspiration, Personal Inspiration

Beyond Comparison and Accepting One-Self Facebook Live

Come watch us today on Facebook Live at Building Better Relationships at Home & Work with Angela and Patti Facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/groups/351340705675175

Sunday, December 16, 2018
5:00 PM Pacific Standard Time
6:00 PM Mountain Standard Time
7:00 PM Central Standard Time
8:00 PM Eastern Standard Time

Monday, December 17, 2018
12 PM (Noon) Sydney, Australia Time

Posted in Blog, Personal Inspiration

Making Good Life Choices

Recently my husband Tom and I were at a local restaurant sitting in the bar area eating pizza and wings.  I heard one of the staff members say to another employee (Jake not his real name) as she was leaving for the night “Please make good choices.”

“Please make good choices.”

I thought wow, why would she say that to Jake her co-worker and friend.  Then I remember Jake had been talking to Tom and I about his family and a woman he has been long distant communicating with from his home state.  Jake is a single parent raising two small children.  Then I realized why Jake’s co-worker was a little worried about him.  He was thinking about packing up and moving back to his home state to be with his old acquaintance.

A few years ago a childhood friend said to me people change, I am not the same person I used to be.  People do change as they move through life journeys.

“I am not the same person I used to be.”

Is this person the same person you fell for all those years ago.  Some would say yes and some would say no.  I believe people do change.  Interests change, goals in life change, careers, relationships and tragic circumstances change us and yes, bad stuff happens that make us view the world in a different way, then we did before.

“I believe people do change.  Interests change, goals in life change, careers, relationships and tragic circumstances change us and yes, bad stuff happens that make us view the world in a different way, then we did before.”

The only way you really get to know someone is to be with them through the good, the bad and the ugly.  I am not the same person I was when I was younger.  I was really shy with a kind heart.  I realized that, when I went to a celebration of life recently and met up with old childhood friends.  I had changed through the years and so had they.

Only Jake can make the best decision for him.  Hopefully, he really gets to know this lady before he packs up his family and moves.  Some would say take a chance on love and others would say only a fool rushes in.  We don’t want to live with regrets or should of’s, however we do need to weigh the possible outcomes.

Relationships take time.  Getting to know the true person isn’t something that happens over night.  It takes spending quality time with someone.  Going through struggles as well as having fun together.  Learning to communicate about the hard stuff instead of avoiding it.  Taking the time to figure out if this is really the right person for me and I can’t live without them. ~ Patti

What would you do if you were Jake?

Would you take a chance on love and move or take the time to get to really know the person? 

Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.

How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link  21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop.

Stay up to date and receive the Coaching for Inspiration with Patti quarterly newsletter by clicking HERE.

Follow Coaching for Inspiration with Patti for daily updates on FACEBOOK  and TWITTER

Come and follow Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Facebook Group

Come and follow Work-Life Balance with Patti Facebook Group

How may I help you?  Are you interested in coaching with me?  I have coaching packages available.  Contact me at patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

 

 

Posted in Blog, Business Inspiration, Career Inspiration, Personal Inspiration

Self Employment and Work/Life Balance [Guest Blogger]

Self Employment and Work/Life Balance by Rebecca Ronane

I am living in France and the cultural attitude to work and play is sometimes very different to the Anglo-Saxon.  The month of November has two holidays the 1st  All Saints Day and  the 11th Armistice day and often as it happened this year with the 1st it fell on a Thursday, therefore the ‘pont ‘ (bridge) is taken which is the Friday, followed by the weekend and ‘voila’ you have your four days!  Joie de Vivre (the Good Life) is taken seriously here! In fact 2018 claimed 12 public holidays and then depending on how long you’ve worked you will have a bountiful  annual paid one too.

Does that mean the French style is a lazy one, no not at all, it happens to be at number 14 of the most productive countries in the world while my own country the UK doesn’t appear in the top 15! Does this  mean that more days off, lead to better productivity, and happiness, for worker and boss alike?  Japan the country with the least depression apparently, but the highest suicide, has a regular 40 hour week, but people there are well-known for putting in an extraordinary amount of overtime. It’s tricky to find out which country in general is doing work/life balance correctly. In the end it is left to ourselves to get it right!

In my work-world which has been the self employment one, work/life balance  interestingly can sit on a fine line. I’ve been a tour director (leading/organising groups on holidays) and for many years one worked 15 hours a day, or even more for 6/7 months then a 5 months free, which may sound idyllic, however the mental stress of worrying where your next job might come from, often eradicates the potential pleasure. I’m lucky to have had an understanding  partner in the same profession, but for those  trying to settle back into a balanced life style it can be difficult. Finding the perfect scenario is placing boundary lines within the structure of your working life and  managing to say ‘No’ to a job to save your sanity, not an easy option when organising your own finances and responsibilities.

Self employment might mean working for non scrupulous boss bullies, it’s tricky when you want that ‘job’ which someone else who might have a different set of values or simply feels they have to put up with being bullied as long as money is coming in.  No benefits of any kind, but perhaps less tax  seems appealing, but unless your discipline has stretched to creating plans for your future you can end up being at a loss.

Creating your own business from home appeals to me no end, no boss except yourself, no-one telling you when or what time you must start except yourself, no-one holding you accountable except yourself!

Ok, yourself has to be the perfect time manager, the perfect boundary liner, when  your partner starts a conversation on what we might be eating tonight and whose going to do the shopping. The self discipline to eliminate self distraction, whether it might be family, friends, calls and social media is another milestone.

There are so many pros and cons in whatever work structure you find yourself in, the most important is that you have the wisdom  and discipline to nourish all your needs. The majority of us have to work, to earn money, to be constructive and valued, but all of us will need to counter-balance the necessities to stay healthy in mind and body.

Boundaries and confidence to move away from work situations which don’t make you happy could be the answer. Self discovery to find out what makes you jump for joy, because certainly we all deserve to have happiness in our daily lives at work and at play. ~ Rebecca Ronane 

Images by rawpixel.com

About Rebecca Ronane:
I am a Briti living in the south of France with my husband and scruffy dog Myrtle. After thirty years in the travel industry and in my fifties I found Life Coaching and was overwhelmed at the difference this can make to people’s lives, so I decided to study and become one myself! Having reinvented myself I know how to unleash the Magic that women have later in their lives whether personal, or business. I have always worked with groups and I currently run Cappuccino coaching in Aix en Provence a program for like-minded women to explore confidence boosting topics.
My journey has also led me to creating the successful Network Provence a networking group for women to promote their business/project or socialise, meetings which take place on a monthly basis.
During the summer months I am still actively involved in taking organised groups around Europe, as well as my own coaching vacations here in Provence named ‘Holiday Retreats in Provence’.