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Don’t Be That (Guy) Person!
Lately, I have been hearing this phrase when people are talking about their coworkers.
Don’t be that guy!
Employers and staff may use this term when someone has committed bad behavior or done something procedurally wrong. In some organizations, they use this term “Don’t be that (Guy) Person” for humiliation or an example of what not to do. The poster child of what not to be in the workplace.
Is shaming an effective management strategy?
Some say yes because it represents what not to do in the workplace and halts people from doing it.
How does “Don’t be that Person” cope with being the scapegoat?
Some quit some stay and deal with the whispering behind their backs and the harsh judgment while others checkout (isolate themselves).
Maybe some organizations want this type of shaming to keep things under control. If so, something is wrong. Someone once told me you live in a fantasy world if you think this type of management strategy will change.
What do you think?
Comments are welcome. What are your thoughts on this topic?
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Tips on How to Reverse Rude Behavior in Meetings
As a leader having efficient and effective meetings is crucial to running a successful business. Group meetings that aren’t productive are a waste of valuable time and cost the company money.
Have you ever been in a meeting, and there is at least one person or all attendees that have nothing positive to say about anything?
I remember one day I finally snapped in a meeting. My leader wasn’t listening and talked over me while explaining why my team needed some technical help. So I started raising my voice over my leader. I was so upset with myself. That day, I realized this isn’t for me, and I didn’t particularly appreciate pushed to respond that way. I knew that this was the norm for the group, always trying to one-up, and I didn’t want to play anymore. I started putting my exit plan into action; it was time to remove myself from working there.
What are rude behaviors in meetings?
- Interrupting the person speaking
- Not listening, acting bored, or lack of engagement
- Being disrespectful to the speaker
- Two people talking privately among themselves while someone else is speaking
- People are just plain hostile to each other
- Arguing over whose point is right
- Over talking each other
- Sarcastic, mean comments to the speaker or each other
- Being very judgmental to each other
- One-upping each other
- Participants taking everything that is said very personally due to the hostile interaction
- Embarrassing the host or leader with malicious remarks
I have been in group meetings where all of these actions have happened, been the target, and been a participant in some disrespectful behaviors. I am not proud of the way I acted, discourteous and unprofessional at times, but that was acceptable to voice your opinion. Was this behavior a way to conquer and get what was needed? Not really. Did anything get resolved? Most of the time, nothing accomplished.
What lesson did I learn? I wanted things to be different, and I probably cared too much. I was tired, beaten down, disrespected, and unhappy with the results. I knew nothing would change in these meetings, and I had to either accept it, change my thinking or leave.
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On the bright side, my team at the time had a code of conduct for our meetings. People were respectful to each other and followed them. If someone didn’t follow the code of conduct, including me, the team would call you out on it. Things got resolved, and people felt heard.
What happened to common courtesy, collaboration, and respectfulness towards each other?
How can we change the behavior? I believe it takes one person at a time and the leader to lead by example and reverse this unprofessional behavior.
Here are some tips:
- Set up rules of conduct for meeting(s). Go over them at the beginning of each meeting as a reminder. Have the code of conduct on the agenda template. As time goes on with the same group of attendees, the code of conduct will not need addressing because it is on the agenda. I would recommend that a new person attend the meeting to read the code of conduct at the beginning of the meeting.
- When someone says something negative, turn to them and say something positive about the topic or person.
- When someone intentionally breaks meeting etiquette, politely remind them or refer to the code of conduct.
- As the leader, focus on following the code of conduct, leading by example, and positive meeting etiquette will become achievable by all participants.
- Redirect the “off-topic” discussions for later.
Takeaway:
Having a set code of conduct and behavior etiquette is so essential to running successful meetings. Being courteous and respectful allows everyone to speak, be heard, participate, engage, and this is when great results will happen. Be organized and prepared. As a leader, we lead by example and if we are not focused and engaged; our employees will not be either. ~ Patti
Comments are always welcome. You can use your initials or anonymous for your name if this makes you feel more comfortable responding. 🙂 Did you find this helpful? If so, please share this blog post with your colleagues, friends, and family on all your social networks! Thank you. 🙂
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When There Isn’t Enough and Emotions Get in the Way
In today’s blog post I am going to tell a story about getting upset over a situation which may sound ridiculous.
Recently, I was at the bowling alley. I get to the bowling alley pretty early to reserve a table and chairs for my team. Tables are precious commodity because there are not enough tables for all the bowling teams. If you don’t get a table your team has to sit down on the lanes or stand up all night.
Past experience:
I’ve had people actually move my stuff off the table or take chairs if I walked away. Now, when I get a table I feel I can’t even walk away until one of my bowling team members comes and sits down.
Usually, I am pretty easy-going and don’t confront people on their rude behaviors. But this particular day I had enough and said something.
My version of what happened:
This guy (I will call him Fred) from another bowling team grabbed one of the chairs at my table and move it so his daughter could sit down and Fred put her right in front of our table. He didn’t say anything to me just grabbed the chair. If Fred had asked me I would have said sure she can have the chair and go get another chair.
Here are the thoughts that were going in my head:
I get there an hour and a half early to reserve the table and chairs and Fred walks in 15 minutes before bowling starts and acts like he owns the place.
So I said to Fred you need to get me another chair. He said ma’am you are being rude just take another chair from the table next to you. Then one of his team members says to me “you already have 6 chairs”. I had 5 chairs for the 5 team members on my team. I wasn’t going to take one from another reserved table.
Then Fred commanded his daughter to grab a chair from the table next to me which another team had been saving almost as long as me. His daughter didn’t want to do it. But Fred insisted and she did.
I was so angry. Usually, I wouldn’t have been mad or even said anything but his attitude and arrogance reeked of “I don’t care” and “I am going to do what I want”. No consideration at all to others.
So I told (Chuck, not real name) on another team what happened and Fred said “quit talking behind my back the chair was for my daughter”. This made Chuck very uncomfortable, he got up and said I don’t know what to tell you, talk to the league secretary. Later, I found out Fred and Chuck are sort of friends. (Awkward!). The reason I told Chuck is because he was there early just like me and has had similar things happen with his tables.
Feeling embarrassed and betrayed I did a group text to my bowling team about the chair incident. This foolish chair escapade had me upset all night, needless to say I didn’t bowl good, however Fred did.
At the end of the bowling night one of my team members (Seth, not real name) went and spoke with Fred. Fred told Seth that he had a rough day and he was just getting the chair for his daughter. Seth said to Fred if you asked her she would have gladly given you the chair.
Why do we get so upset over the little things and continue not to let it go?
Yes, I should have probably handled the situation in a totally different way but I didn’t. Yes, I probably shouldn’t have gotten other people involved, but I did.
Was it ridiculous to get upset over a chair?
Maybe, however the small things will continue to add up into bigger things when the issue is not resolved.
Takeaway:
We all make choices whether good or bad throughout life. Each day is a learning lesson. Sometimes not saying anything is the best result. Maybe the less we respond to rude people, the less drama we create in our lives. Here is a good reminder. You may never know what someone else is going through and just maybe they’re having a really bad day. Be kind anyways. ~ Patti 🦋
🦋 My question for you 🦋
How would you have handled this situation?
Comments are always welcome.
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Building Better Relationships [Podcast] – Episode 6 – How’s Your Love Life Competing With Your Phone?
To listen to the full podcast episode click below:
Episode 6 podcast – How’s Your Love Life Competing With Your Phone? In this podcast Patti and Angela discuss how the cell phone can enhance and limit relationships with others. They also talk about their personal relationships with their own phones.
Take the poll and then listen to Patti and Angela answer to this question. You may be surprised!
Here’s the quote Patti read in the podcast:
Please share this podcast with others, push the like button on Anchor and leave us an encouraging review.
Discover Patti’s new online course: INCREDIBLE WORK-LIFE BALANCE HACKS for BUSY LEADERS
This course is for leaders who are crazy busy, works 24/7 and wants something more in their life. The course has 7 hacks to create some balance in this so called busy life! coaching-for-inspiration-with-patti.teachable.com/
Check out the ENERGY BODY OF SELF ACCEPTANCE PROGRAM
Put Your Relationship with yourself as a priority and discover a simple energy system with movement and exercises that empower you to accept yourself, overcome old habits and discover what love is that allows self acceptance to happen effortlessly. https://bit.ly/2BMG79s
Read Angela’s blog post Turn OFF Your Phone and Get Turned ON
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The Draining of Leadership Vampires!
The Draining of Leadership Vampires
This is a bonus post of the Bad Leadership series. I was talking to one of my coaching friend’s Plynn Gutman about the Bad Leadership blog series. She said to me; you have to do an extra one on Leadership Vampires who steal employees successes and claim them as their own. In other words, give credit where credit is due. This blog post is for you Plynn, and thank you for the suggestion.
How does it feel when your boss takes credit for your work? Not good at all. People don’t feel satisfied or appreciated when not acknowledged for their contributions. This is becoming a common practice within some organizations.
How do you handle this when it happens? (Pause and Reflect)
What is the organization’s culture?
Do they recognize people’s ideas or suggestions?
This will make a significant difference in how to react. Is it acceptable to stand up and take credit for your ideas? Will your direct supervisor support you when you do? Is it worth standing up and saying, look at me?
I believe, yes, everyone should be recognized for their contributions. However, some managers don’t give credit where credit is due. Remember to pick your battles carefully, primarily when you work for Vampire Leaders.
Ask yourself:
Do I want to announce to everyone, hey, this was my idea?
If yes, (Stop, Pause and Reflect) – Will this halt any future career opportunities?
If no, schedule time to meet with your boss privately to discuss it.
When I think of Leadership Vampires, it is a Boss that sucks the life right out of you. They are harsh, aggressive, demanding, and belittling. They show favoritism and leave you feeling beat down mentally and physically. When around them, you may feel anxious, sick, angry, or depressed. They have a habit of reprimanding staff in front of others and micro-managing employees’ time. They lack empathy and drain the positivity and creativity right out of you.
How do you deal with this type of Leadership?
- Don’t react
- Be calm
- Listen patiently
- Don’t interrupt
- Don’t disagree
- Pick your battles wisely.
- Apologize when necessary
- Don’t give them anything to feed on; they love drama!
Take away:
Working for a Vampire leader is exhausting. Keep calm and don’t react to the harshness. Work hard and listen carefully. Say your daily positive affirmations throughout the day to keep yourself going. You got this!
Comments are always welcome, and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.
For more information about Becoming a Better Leader [e-Book] Click here to download your copy.
How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link 21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop to learn more.
Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com
The Dangers of Leadership Ghosting!
The Dangers of Leadership Ghosting
Over the last few months, I have heard the term “Ghosting”.
What does Ghosting mean?
According to Wikipedia-Ghosting definition means:
Ghosting is breaking off a relationship by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as avoiding or ignoring and refusing to respond to the former partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate.
What is Leadership Ghosting?
Here is my definition:
A leader who ceases to communicate correctly is unavailable, refuses or ignores to respond to questions or suggestions, but thinks he/she knows what is happening within the business. They make decisions that are bad or unreasonable and disengaged from staff. They run the business through emails or texts. Misunderstandings occur due to a lack of face-to-face contact or verbal conversation for details and guidance. The Ghosting Leaders make decisions without knowing the full scope of the situation or ask questions. These decisions are harmful to the organizations; the bottom line and the staff become very resentful due to these decisions’ cause and effects and the lack of input.
The behavior of Leadership Ghosting:
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- A ghosting leader withdrawals communication with staff
- Ignore employees
- Fears conflict
- Fear of disappointing someone or looking like the “bad person.”
- Doesn’t want to deal with someone’s anger
These types of leaders don’t like to deal with uncomfortable situations. Instead of addressing the circumstance, they avoid the problem altogether.
Examples of Ghosting:
- Your boss said you would get a promotion, and months later, nothing
- You apply for a position and go through the interview, and weeks go by, and you find out someone else got the job. The ghost leader didn’t tell you
- You’re promised information by a particular day and time and never receive it
The dangers of Leadership Ghosting leaves employees feeling undervalued, disregarded, and disappointed. This type of leadership style is unprofessional, rude, and cruel.
Suppose you recognize ghosting leaders in your organization or within yourself. Here are a few tips to encourage behavioral change in this leadership style.
- Sit down with them and discuss the behavior you have observed.
- Ask questions, give feedback on their management style, and suggestions on how to improve engagement with staff.
- Schedule leadership training courses – Udemy.com or Lynda.com
- Schedule interpersonal communication courses – Udemy.com or Lynda.com
- Schedule conflict resolution courses – Udemy.com
- Schedule constructive criticism courses – Udemy.com
- Get them a mentor who is a successful leader.
- Hire a leadership coach to help them succeed
- Becoming a Better Leader [e-Book] Click here to download your copy.
Takeaway:
Overcoming the fear of conflict will reduce anxiety, strengthen courage, and promotes better communication skills. Start by responding to emails, voicemails, and texts, even if it is short and to the point. Something is better than nothing. Meet with employees, listen, and be engaged. As you address complex situations, it does get easier as time goes on.
Have you experienced Leadership Ghosting?
If yes, What happened?
Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.
How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link 21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop to learn more.
Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com
The Signs of a Workplace Bully Leader!
The Signs of a Workplace Bully Leader
Bullying in the workplace has become an important topic in today’s world of leadership. Many of us have experienced workplace bullying during some time in our careers.
Today, I am going to discuss the warning signs of Workplace Bully Leaders to increase awareness.
What is Workplace Bullying?
According to Wikipedia Workplace bullying is a persistent mistreatment pattern from others in the workplace that causes either physical or emotional harm. It can include such tactics as verbal, nonverbal, psychological, physical abuse, and humiliation. This type of workplace aggression is particularly difficult because, unlike the typical school bully, workplace bullies often operate within the established rules and policies of their organization and their society. In the majority of cases, bullying in the workplace is reported as having been by someone who has authority over their victim. However, bullies can also be peers, and occasionally subordinates.
Signs of a Possible Workplace Bully Leaders:
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- Demeaning, disrespectful, and devaluing employees capabilities
- Public ridicule, sarcastic, insults, name-calling, threats, and intimidation
- Targeting and creating social isolation with staff
- Blaming, lying, gossiping, spreading rumors and whispering
- Failing to give credit to employees for their work
- Overloading targeted employee with a huge workload
- Micro-Manages and commands respect without earning it
- A know it all
Bully leaders create isolation and silo work environments. They divide staff and departments to keep control.
Why don’t people speak up? Employees are afraid of losing their jobs.
Bullying by leadership has several physical and behavioral health issues for the targeted employees.
Warning Signs of an Employee Being Bullied:
- Becomes less socially active or confident
- Appears scared, stressed, anxious or depressed
- Calling out sick more frequently than normal
- Physical signs of tension such as headaches, backaches, not sleeping well, and suicidal thoughts
If bullying is unaddressed, the aggression and unresolved conflicts will continue to escalate. When not dealt with, it causes adverse effects on the targeted workers – maybe even psychological, financial and physical burdens.
The Results to the Employers:
- High Turnover and Absenteeism
- Low Productivity
- Lack of Creativity
- Legal Costs
- Damaged Reputation
If you recognize Workplace Bully Leaders in your organization or within yourself:
Here are a few tips to encourage behavioral change for this type of leadership style.
- Sit down with them and discuss the behavior you have observed
- Ask questions, give feedback on their management style and suggestions on how to improve engagement with staff
- Set a zero-tolerance approach to workplace bullying
- Build trust and open-door policies to discuss bullying
- Schedule leadership training courses, primarily on bullying – Udemy.com
- Schedule emotional intelligent courses – Udemy.com
- Schedule interpersonal communication courses – Udemy.com
- Schedule conflict resolution courses – Udemy.com
- Schedule constructive criticism courses – Udemy.com
- Read John C. Maxwell Relationships 101 book
- Get them a mentor who is a successful leader
- Hire a leadership coach to help them succeed
- Becoming a Better Leader [e-Book] Click here to download your copy.
Takeaway:
Bullying promotes an atmosphere of fear, vulnerability, anxiousness, and uncertainty. Awareness is the key to change. Develop a zero-tolerance workplace accompanied by training, coaching, and mentoring to display compassion, empathy, safety, and trust.
Have you had a Workplace Bully as a Boss?
If yes, How did they make you feel?
How did you overcome it?
Answering these questions above and sharing your experiences may help someone else dealing with a workplace bully.
Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.
How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link 21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop to learn more.
Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com
The Hazardous Results of the Inflexible Leader
The Hazardous Results of the Inflexible Leader
Today, I am going to discuss the leadership style of an inflexible boss. These types of personalities are unapproachable at work and home. Any kind of change is not welcome or encouraged. Working with this type of leader stifles innovation and creativity while leaving employees feeling resentful and unmotivated.
What is an inflexible leader?
The inflexible boss is arrogant, distant, unreasonable, and unapproachable. They are closed-minded to any changes and will not listen to any new ideas, consider different options or new technology. The inflexible boss promotes fear over staff to ensure they follow their ways of doing things.
Characteristics of this type to leadership style:
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- Punishes for not doing things their way
- Their way or the highway
- Don’t listen or open to any suggestions
- Always right
- Strictly by the book/procedures
- Favorite phrase – We’ve always done it this way
- Never says sorry
- Lacks empathy
- Jumps to a conclusion before gathering all the facts
Suppose you recognize inflexible leaders in your organization or within yourself. Here are a few tips to encourage behavioral change in this leadership style.
- Sit down with them and discuss the behavior you have observed, and explain that it is essential to be open to new ways this helps the company to succeed.
- Ask questions, give feedback on their management style, and suggestions on how to improve engagement with staff.
- Schedule change management courses – Udemy.com or Lynda.com
- Schedule emotional intelligence courses Udemy.com
- Schedule leadership training courses – Lynda.com
- Schedule interpersonal communication courses – Udemy.com
- Schedule conflict resolution courses – Udemy.com
- Schedule constructive criticism courses – Udemy.com
- Please give them a mentor who is a successful leader.
- Hire a leadership coach to help them succeed like me
- Becoming a Better Leader [e-Book] Click here to download your copy.
Takeaway:
A good leader will let employees try new and different ways of doing processes, especially if the current approach isn’t working or becoming mundane. Listening is essential to know what is working and what is not. Being approachable and welcoming is the first step to building trust and hearing what people are feeling and new ideas.
If yes, How did you feel working for them?
What were the obstacles and how did you deal with it?
Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.
How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link 21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop to learn more.
Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com
The Destruction of the Absentee Leader
What is an absentee leader?
An absentee leader is someone in a leadership position who is psychologically absent from their responsibilities. They are known as the “silent killers.”
Here are some characteristics of an absentee leader:
- Psychologically absent from their staff.
- Take value out of an organization without contributing back.
- These leaders are laissez-faire (to let people do as they choose)
- Don’t show up to meetings, unresponsive to emails, give zero feedback, and share important information with employees.
- Seldom engage with staff.
Organizations rarely confront absentee leaders. If left unaddressed, they can halt succession planning, block potential staff from promoting and cause unproductivity in the workplace. Those who report to them may become frustrated, which negatively impacts the employees and the work environment.
Teams with absent supervisors often feel they have no direction, are unrecognized, neglected, and overlooked without clear goals, guidance, and feedback. Employees don’t develop under an absentee leader.
The Destruction of the Absentee Leader:
- Degrades the employee’s job satisfaction
- May lead to job performance uncertainty
- Employee’s stress levels and talents become drained
As long as the absentee leader has an employee who will pick up the slack, this behavior will continue. The absentee leader enjoys the perks and entitlements of their title but isn’t doing the job. This type of leadership style is destructive. The hard-working employees who do the work aren’t receiving the support, recognition, or crucial feedback. The absentee leader accepts credit when things are going right and pushes the staff’s blame when things are not.
Suppose you recognize an absentee leader in your organization or within yourself. Here are a few tips to encourage behavioral change in this leadership style.
- Sit down with them and discuss the behavior you have observed.
- Ask questions, give feedback on their management style, and suggestions on how to improve engagement with staff.
- Schedule leadership training courses to improve leadership development skills – Udemy.com or Lynda.com
- Listen to Leadership Podcasts – John Maxwell Leadership Podcast or Engaging Leader Podcast
- Read Leadership Books – 101 Leadership John C. Maxwell
- Get them a mentor who is a successful leader.
- Hire a leadership coach to help them succeed
- Becoming a Better Leader [e-Book] Click here to download your copy.
Companies don’t always see the effects of this leadership style until the damage has already occurred.
Takeaway:
Recognize the absentee leader within your organization or inside yourself and address the situation. Employees want a leader who is there for them. Staff follows a leader who will coach, train, motivate, recognize their accomplishments, and help them to succeed.
Have you experienced an absentee leader? If yes, What was it like?
Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.
How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link 21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop to learn more.
Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com