Angela and Patti will be discussing handling moving forward with emotions and relationships after ovarian cancer, hysterectomy and menopause. In previous Episodes 12 and Episode 13 Angelashared her journey of recovering from ovarian cancer, hysterectomy and much more.
In this episode we shared how to deal with relationships with one-self and others after these life-changing events.
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During these uncertain and stressful times, more then ever, we need joy in our daily lives. Whether at work or at home. A smile can change someone’s day from gloomy to joyful, showing some compassion when a coworker is at their breaking point or providing a little laughter can help everyone get through these unusual circumstances.
A good laugh heals a lot of hurts. — Madeleine L’Engle
What are the benefits of laughter in the workplace?
Laughter can lower stress and boredom, strengthen the immune system, and enhance team engagement, collaboration, creativity, and well-being. It relaxes the body and defuses conflict.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. — Victor Borge
How can you brighten someone’s day with a little laughter?
When were some times you and your team laugh at work?
What can you do to encourage laughter in the workplace?
Patti discusses establishing a work schedule to help you move into a flow and getting things done; working from home can be challenging, especially when the family doesn’t understand your work demands, work obligations, or time constraints with deadlines.
Patti: Established set work hours and communicating them to family and friends. Here are the hours and days I am working this week. Another way to communicate is to post your calendar/diary on the wall/door or give family viewable access to your digital schedule that reflects availability. Another approach you can make a daily or weekly calendar post in view (maybe kitchen) or text your unavailability for that day to the whole family. There are lots of creative ways to communicate you are working and unavailable. Sit down as a family and ask them how they want you to let them know. This way, everyone is part of the decision making. Do you want a daily text or a do not disturb sign on the door?
Angela said, I found the sign really official and makes it clear for others not to knock. In my building I used to live in, we had a lot of traffic going past my front door. People who delivered parcels would knock on the front door, which would be picked up on my calls or recordings. However, the worst thing about knocking on the front door was when I was doing meditation. Sounds and knocks during meditation can actually be dangerous to your body if you are in deep meditation and give you a heart attack. That forced me to make a sign to post on my front door, “please don’t knock, meditation in progress, if possible leave parcels.” The sign also allowed some people in the building the idea to be quiet when passing the front door too (if they read the sign!) I’m going to use another sign to the door in my office at home to be really clear about meditation time or when I’m recording, as people may have no idea what you are doing in the office and the sign makes people more aware about the noise.
Angela: When working at home with family these days, it is really valuable to look at your physical workspace. Do you have a space that’s appropriate to do your work? Do your kids have a space that’s appropriate to focus on learning? And space is not just physical like a desk; it includes sound and light. I’ve seen a lot of people being really creative with working at the kitchen bench, buying a fold away desk for the bedroom, and other bits of furniture like a screen or divider to section off spaces in the house or to create workspaces.
Sometimes, you won’t be able to really have a work space that is quiet, and people are more forgiving in these times if they hear kids and the kitchen in the background, but how does this affect you?
Are there changes you need to make without necessarily spending a lot of money, but perhaps using your house differently?
What could be something that gives you flow naturally that you need to put in your schedule to help you flow with the changes that we are now facing?
For Angela it’s definitely movement and I will be sharing some of the results of my movement classes in the coming months as I plan to share these classes for more people to discover their own natural rhythm.
You can stay in touch with Angela’s gentle movement classes by signing up to the newsletter.
This day is to raise awareness to balance work and home life by encouraging the overachievers to schedule time away from work and enjoy life outside of work demands.
What is the definition of a Workaholic? According to Wikipedia:
A workaholic is a person who works compulsively. The term originates from alcoholism. The person works at the cost of their sleep, meeting friends or family. While the term generally implies that the person enjoys their work, it can also alternately imply that they simply feel compelled to do it.
What are some ways to create a little balance in your everyday life?
Do Something Fun
Spend Time Loving Your Family
Journal About the Good Things in Your Life
Smile and Laugh Often
Celebrate Today! 🎉
Schedule a massage or spa day.
Take a slow pace walk with the family and your pet.
Watch a funny movie with your loved ones.
Plan an awesome vacation.
Working all the time will eventually lead to burnout. Take a few minutes out of your day today, do something you enjoy outside of work, and plan a getaway from work. Leave a comment on how you celebrated today. 🙂
Take it easy, enjoy today and, live life to the fullest. ~ Patti
In this episode, we shared about improving communication with your boss and not overworking yourself while working from home. With a lot of people working from home lately due to the virus, some find themselves working even more hours.
How do you find balance?
This is a period of change in the way we work, and it doesn’t look like it is going to go back to the way it is – so more change is coming. One of the challenges I hear about is people are working from home and taking care of their children at the same time since daycare services and schools are still closed. They have become the teacher, playtime instructor, nap time enforcer, lunch, and break time scheduler, all while trying to work at home.
Because of the suddenness of the change, many of us have been expected to do extra work without extra pay or support, and there has been little time to talk about the conflicting expectations or changes and how they require extra thought and extra time to implement the changes.
What are some examples that you have seen?
Time management skills and learning what is expected from the boss while working from home. Setting boundaries with the family while working how to do it all and keep everyone calm, productive, and sane.
A routine is good.
Getting up at the same time you would if going into work, eating breakfast as a family, everyone getting dressed, and starting their day. By having a routine, everyone knows what they are supposed to do and are able to get things done. School work, zoom calls, projects, breaks, lunches and dinner, free time and nap time. One of the extra duties is learning how to move things online and deal with new technology or platforms, and this includes changing how we present and share information.
Now we have an opportunity to create a new normal to deal with change. When there are things that require extra thought and extra time, how do you approach your boss, co-workers, or those you work with?
Are you problem focused or solution-focused?
Often when things change suddenly, we focus on not being able to do what we used to do, and this stops us from speaking up about our needs. I’ve noticed people harboring resentments with superiors or employers because they feel they can’t speak up because there is so much change, and they just need to deal with it. But often, a business or employer will also be struggling with the change. If you can respectfully share what you see as not working and what you see as a solution to that lack – then it clarifies for everyone what are possible solutions. And it may spark others to come up with other solutions, including your employer. Avoid the trap of staying quiet because everyone is just trying to deal with the change, but share your ideas respectfully without making people wrong.
Angela is looking for feedback on relationship needs people have in these times of change.
Have people changed their needs and experiences of relationships?
Share your answer to the question above on the Building Better Relationships Facebook group, “What has changed in your relationships because of this virus?” or email us at BBRathomeandwork@gmail.com
In podcast Episode 20 – Making Relationships Effortless! We share examples that stop relationships from being effortless and recommend changing those habits to welcome effortless relationships, whether in the workplace or home life.
Angela – Patti when I was dancing with a group in the early 2000’s, we used to explore movement that was effortless, and we always knew when things just flowed and we would be amazed.
Then we found we couldn’t repeat that effortlessness because we started thinking about the movement instead of feeling it. We asked what habits as humans do we have that make us drop out of going with the flow. And we discovered the habits of being and thinking that interrupt our heart or force the heart to be something it’s not because you think you should be a certain way.
Angela – What I’ve learnt about effortless relationships, is from the Einstein statement:
“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Patti – How to Break Bad Work Behaviors:
❤️ Identify the behavior or action
❤️ Make the decision to stop
❤️ Replace the habit with something positive
Angela- Making things effortless is enhanced by not coming from old habits of thinking, because old habits of thought made things repetitive and usually stuck or fixed. Instead – you want to come at things sideways, ask questions that take a person to a different topic or a different way of looking at a topic.
Lately, I have been hearing that the “new” working from home has been very hard for some. They are saying they are working more hours then if they were in the office and it is leading to burnout and frustration.
Burnout is not fun. When you reach that point, you are exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes, you don’t even realize what happened. You have changed within. You feel confused, angry, and so tired of everything and everyone and no patience.
How did you get to this point?
High-achievers should continually be on the lookout for the warning signs of burnout because they don’t always see it coming. The doers are passionate about their work progress and tend to work long hours. They take on heavier workloads and put high expectations on themselves, which may lead to burnout if not monitored by pausing with some self-care techniques. Trying to be everything and anything to everyone, putting work 24/7 above rest, relaxation, a little fun, family, and friends. That’s how.
Is there a way to reverse it. Of course, but you have to take some time away from work mentally, emotionally, and physically. Not stepping away for a while could cost you your career, health, and relationships.
“Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough”. ~ unknown
What is burnout?
It is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.
What are some warn signs?
🦋 Cynical, critical, pessimism, anger or irritable at work
🦋 Disliking the job, forcing yourself to get up and go to work or having a hard time getting started
🦋 Irritable or impatient with others, coworker, boss, customers or clients
🦋 Lack of energy or low productivity or chronic fatigue or loss of appetite
🦋 No focus, mind wanders, forgetfulness, or hard to concentrate
🦋 No satisfaction from achievements, feeling unappreciated for all the extra work effort
🦋 Feelings of disillusionment about career, isolation, depression, and anxiety
🦋 Using alcohol, drugs, or food to feel better or not to feel at all
🦋 Change in sleeping patterns, maybe insomnia or oversleeping
If not addressed, burnout can leave people feeling empty, exhausted, depressed, and unable to deal with daily life’s demands.
How to change?
🦋 Focus on your recent and past accomplishments 🦋 Stop self-criticizing yourself and others 🦋 Create a happy space to spend time in for self-reflection, meditation, and prayer 🦋 Make and write in a daily gratitude journal
Change your workflow! 🦋 Stop multitasking and focus on one task at a time towards completion 🦋 Take regular breaks 🦋 Limit working overtime 🦋 Journal about things that are bothering you and come up with solutions to resolve them.
If you are experiencing some of these symptoms, it’s time to take some action to reverse it. Self-reflect and make some changes to reduce stress and anxiety. Take control of your workload and have reasonable expectations about what is achievable.
Do you have a happy place?
If yes, where is it? I would love to hear about your happy place. If no, why not?
Angela tell us a little bit about the podcast title and Bending Your Knees?
We thought about this topic a while back, but I really thought about it when I had trouble bending my knees after recovering from surgery. It was a shock after being flexible most of life I couldn’t bend the knees easily. Everything about surgery was a shock – but also in recovery, I experienced a lot of feelings not being able to be like I used to be, and there was fear about the future and uncertainty about who I was going to become now.
Midlife-is an important time to look at your life and see what you are not able to do. Not so that you pine about “being old” or look at the past as something that you’ve lost – although you may have a period of grieving.
After grieving or during grieving it’s important and valuable to take stock, reflect on what results of your life thus far?
How do you feel about your life?
If you reflect on your life constructively, it will help get you out of the cycle of thinking and feeling you have lost something or that your life has amounted to nothing. And will help you start to REALLY see –
❤️ What is your life about?
What was the purpose of all that running around, learning, working, not working, having kids, being sick, being healthy – etc. –
❤️ What was it all for? Bending the knee reflects flexibility – and humility. In my case, I had setbacks – such as getting a little better than getting sick or weak again. What that taught me is to do things differently to go with my needs and energy better. Mid-life is a great time to realize, there is only so much you can do – so how can you do it better, with less energy – and less ego about how you look, how young you are – it’s also a time to measure what success for you is? Is success about how much money you have? Or is it how happy you are?
Patti tells us about – What have you found stops people embracing the possibility of change in mid-life?
I have spoken to a lot of people who feel they are stuck in a dead-end job. When Sunday comes around, they dread thinking about going into work the next morning. On Monday mornings, they hit the snooze button multiple times and force themselves out of bed. On the way to work, they push themselves with positive affirmations or the opposite with “I hate my job” self-talk.
🦋 Do you feel like you could do your job in your sleep?
🦋 Are there no advancement opportunities where you work?
🦋 Do you feel hateful and resentful when you walk through your workplace?
🦋 Do you get any acknowledgment for a job well done?
🦋 Am I learning any new aspects of my position?
🦋 Are my job duties challenging to me?
🦋 Do I enjoy going to work every day?
🦋 Am I motivated and strive to increase my productivity level?
🦋 Do I feel I am making a difference?
🦋 Are my coworkers positive at work?
🦋 Am I positive at work?
If you answered no to these questions, you may be feeling stuck in a dead-end job.
What are some options to improve the career situation?
Use daily affirmations to get you through the day. Patti created some work-life balance affirmation cards, these cards are good to use for any day in and day out work or home situations.
Alcohol and other substance use disorders Mental disorders, particularly mood disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, and certain personality disorders Hopelessness, feelings of no reason to live Depression Impulsive and/or aggressive tendencies History of trauma or abuse Major physical illnesses Previous suicide attempt(s) Family history of suicide – Angela talks about breaking the chain of generational loss and hurt – How to do that. Job or financial loss Loss of relationship(s) Easy access to lethal means Lack of social support, isolation and social withdrawal The stigma associated with asking for help Lack of healthcare, especially mental health and substance abuse treatment Exposure to others who have died by suicide (in real life or via the media and Internet)
The Warning Signs provided by the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website; Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves, communicating suicide intent or plan Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain Talking about being a burden to others Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly Sleeping too little or too much Withdrawing or isolating themselves Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge Extreme mood swings Making final arrangements (wills, notes, giving away personal things, etc.