When There Isn’t Enough and Emotions Get in the Way

In today’s blog post I am going to tell a story about getting upset over a situation which may sound ridiculous.

Recently, I was at the bowling alley.  I get to the bowling alley pretty early to reserve a table and chairs for my team. Tables are precious commodity because there are not enough tables for all the bowling teams.  If you don’t get a table your team has to sit down on the lanes or stand up all night.

Past experience:

I’ve had people actually move my stuff off the table or take chairs if I walked away.  Now, when I get a table I feel I can’t even walk away until one of my bowling team members comes and sits down.

Usually, I am pretty easy-going and don’t confront people on their rude behaviors.  But this particular day I had enough and said something.

My version of what happened:

This guy (I will call him Fred) from another bowling team grabbed one of the chairs at my table and move it so his daughter could sit down and Fred put her right in front of our table.  He didn’t say anything to me just grabbed the chair.  If Fred had asked me I would have said sure she can have the chair and go get another chair.

Here are the thoughts that were going in my head:

I get there an hour and a half early to reserve the table and chairs and Fred walks in 15 minutes before bowling starts and acts like he owns the place.

So I said to Fred you need to get me another chair.  He said ma’am you are being rude just take another chair from the table next to you.  Then one of his team members says to me “you already have 6 chairs”.  I had 5 chairs for the 5 team members on my team.  I wasn’t going to take one from another reserved table.

Then Fred commanded his daughter to grab a chair from the table next to me which another team had been saving almost as long as me.   His daughter didn’t want to do it.  But Fred insisted and she did.

I was so angry.  Usually, I wouldn’t have been mad or even said anything but his attitude and arrogance reeked of “I don’t care” and “I am going to do what I want”.  No consideration at all to others.

So I told (Chuck, not real name) on another team what happened and Fred said “quit talking behind my back the chair was for my daughter”.  This made Chuck very uncomfortable, he got up and said I don’t know what to tell you, talk to the league secretary.  Later, I found out Fred and Chuck are sort of friends.  (Awkward!).  The reason I told Chuck is because he was there early just like me and has had similar things happen with his tables.

Feeling embarrassed and betrayed I did a group text to my bowling team about the chair incident.  This foolish chair escapade had me upset all night, needless to say I didn’t bowl good, however Fred did.

At the end of the bowling night one of my team members (Seth, not real name) went and spoke with Fred.  Fred told Seth that he had a rough day and he was just getting the chair for his daughter.  Seth said to Fred if you asked her she would have gladly given you the chair.

Why do we get so upset over the little things and continue not to let it go?

Yes, I should have probably handled the situation in a totally different way but I didn’t.  Yes, I probably shouldn’t have gotten other people involved, but I did.

Was it ridiculous to get upset over a chair?

Maybe, however the small things will continue to add up into bigger things when the issue is not resolved.

Takeaway:

We all make choices whether good or bad throughout life.  Each day is a learning lesson.  Sometimes not saying anything is the best result.  Maybe the less we respond to rude people, the less drama we create in our lives.  Here is a good reminder. You may never know what someone else is going through and just maybe they’re having a really bad day.  Be kind anyways. ~ Patti 🦋

🦋 My question for you 🦋

 How would you have handled this situation?

 

Comments are always welcome.  

Please share this blog post with your colleagues, friends, and family on all your social networks! 

Are you interested in one to one coaching with me?  I have coaching packages available.  Contact me at patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

Do you want better relationships? If yes, come hang out with Angela Ambrosia, Love & Relationship coach and me while listening to all of our podcast adventures called Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Podcast

Want even more tips about creating better relationships? Come join our Facebook group called Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Facebook Group

 

How Do We Reattach with Work at the Start of a New Day?

This question below was recently tweeted to me and few other coaches by Robbie Stakelum @Robbie_BXL.  He attached a new study on reattachment.

In professional and personal coaching we often talk about importance of detaching from work outside of working hours.  But how do we reattach with work at the start of the day? Do we have routines that set ourselves up for a productive day?

What does being reattached to work mean?

According to the new study Sonnentag and Kühnel (2016: 380) described reattachment to work as rebuilding a mental connection to one’s work after a non-work period (e.g., a free evening or a weekend). Reattachment means thinking about the upcoming workday and mentally preparing for it.

My Response:

I thought I would spend some time answering this question here in a blog post. There is no way I could respond with 140 characters on Twitter.   Plus this study and question has me fired up BEWARE!  

Yes, I feel all employees should be reattached when they are at work.  People need to be focused, motivated and actually do their job!

At the start of the work-week or start of the work-day, of course, you need to mentally prepare for it, however, my regular audience are the people who don’t turn off work and are constantly thinking about work 24/7, they don’t unattached from work at all, this is why they need work-life balance strategies.

I know there are people who don’t reattach at work.  They do the bare minimum not to get fired and are just going through the motions.  In their mindset, they are just collecting a paycheck. They make their coworkers and supervisors angry because they are not lightening the workload.  Yes, they really do need to step it up, reattach and take pride in working.  Do they ever wonder why they don’t get promoted or respected.  Well, it is because they are not attached to doing their job.

It’s time to reattach!

You have come back from the weekend or a vacation.  I’m glad you enjoyed yourself and relaxed.  Now, it’s time to get back to work.

How do you get reattached to work?  It’s quite simple.  Motivation comes from within the person.  You have a job to do.  Time to get refocused on your job duties.

🦋  During your commute get into the right mindset of going back to work.

🦋  When you get to work prioritize your workload.

🦋  Concentrate on the things you need to get accomplished and complete them.

Conclusion from the Study:

Taken together, this study brought to light the multiple pathways by which reattachment to work in the morning relates to work engagement during the day. Results suggest that reattaching to work before actually starting work sets the tone for the workday through anticipating high task focus, mobilizing positive activated affect, and recognizing available job resources. Task focus, positive activated affect, and the availability of job resources, in turn, enable high work engagement. Reattachment to work in the morning is a low-effort strategy that employees can use in order to start their workday in an optimal way. Organizations may develop norms and routines that help employees reattach to work and that support them in smoothly transitioning into the workday.

My view of the conclusion of the study:

I do agree with the study that reattachment to work in the morning has a positive effect on your day and work performance.   I don’t agree with the study, that it is up to organizations to develop norms and routines to help employees reattach to work and support them in smoothly transitioning into the workday.  I believe that motivation comes from within the employee, not the organization developing norms and routines for them.

Takeaway:

Employees need to take responsibility and accountability for their own work performance.  It is not up to the organization to develop norms and routines for reattachment to work.  Who wants to be known as (“the slacker” or “that person”) who everyone dislikes because they aren’t focus on their job duties and others have to carry their workload.  Be responsible, accountable, motivated, engaged and take pride in your work performance.  It really is easy to reattach yourself to your work, if you set your mind to it. ~ Patti

Comments are always welcome.  

Please share this blog post with your colleagues, friends, and family on all your social networks! 

Are you interested in one to one coaching with me?  I have coaching packages available.  Contact me at patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

Patti’s groups, podcasts, online course and more

Work-Life Balance Hacks for Busy Leaders who LOVE their Career but Want MORE in Life! 

This course is for leaders who are crazy busy, working 24/7 and want something more in their life.  7 easy hacks to create some personal life balance in this so-called busy life!

Enroll today for $25.00

 

How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link  21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop.

Stay up to date and receive the Coaching for Inspiration with Patti quarterly newsletter by clicking HERE.

Follow Coaching for Inspiration with Patti for daily updates on FACEBOOK  and TWITTER

Do you want more work-life balance strategies? Come and join my new Facebook group called Work-Life Balance with Patti

Do you want better relationships? If yes, come hang out with Angela Ambrosia, Love & Relationship coach and me while listening to all of our podcast adventures called Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Podcast

Want even more tips about creating better relationships? Come join our Facebook group called Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Facebook Group

 

 

 

 

 

I USED TO BE A PEOPLE PERSON THEN PEOPLE RUINED IT!

I used to be a people person then people ruined it! ~ unknown

My husband and I were at WalMart and we saw this phrase on a T-shirt.  I held up the T-shirt and said I am going to buy this.  Being a leadership and work-life balance coach my job is to encourage people not to feel this way.  So why did I want to buy the T-Shirt?  Well, to be honest I had many days that I felt this way.

Have you ever felt this way?  I know I did throughout my career especially when knee-deep in the day-to-day grind (Bull Sh*t).  There were days I would go home and think why are people so hateful, judgmental, petty and disrespectful.  Myself included.

What happened to kindness, empathy and compassion?

Reflection Questions About Daily Interactions With Ambitious People

Why is everything about who can “one up” each other?

Why is “knowledge power”?  Instead of sharing it.

What happened to being genuinely happy for a coworker and recognizing their accomplishments?

Why is being so “busy” acceptable and “ignoring” family okay?

When will these concepts change in leadership?

Is anybody else out there ready for a mind shift in some basic decency and respect towards others? I know I am!

How about you?

To answer the 🔥 burning question:  Did I buy the T-Shirt?Yes, I did. 🙂

P.S.  I have received so many comments from people when I wear this T-Shirt.  Like: That shirt is so funny.  Oh, that shirt is so true.  I love that shirt! Why do you think that is?

Would love to see your thoughts and comments about this topic. ~ Patti

Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.

For more information about Becoming a Better Leader [e-Book] Click here to download your copy.

How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link  21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop.

Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

 

Bad Leadership Styles Series

Bad Leadership Styles Series

Thank you for joining me with the Bad Leadership Styles series. I know as a leader, I have been all of these at one point or another. Recognizing it and realizing there are going to be bad days and we are going to mess up.

Breathe, pause, pray about it, then regroup and apologize when needed. Forgive and let go.

Mistakes and bad experiences help us grow to become better leaders. My intention for this series is to give you insight and wisdom on your own personal leadership journey.

A truly great Boss is hard to find, difficult to part with and impossible to forget!  ~ unknown

I hope this series inspired you to become a great boss. ~ Patti

In case you missed any of the Bad Leadership series here are the links below:

The Destruction of the Absentee Leader

The Hazardous Results of the Inflexible Leader

The Signs of a Workplace Bully Leader

The Dangers of Leadership Ghosting

The Draining of Leadership Vampires

For more information about Becoming a Better Leader [e-Book] Click here to download your copy.

Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

 

The Signs of a Workplace Bully Leader

The Signs of a Workplace Bully Leader

Bullying in the workplace has become a major topic in today’s world of leadership.  Many of us have actually experienced workplace bullying during sometime in our careers.

Today, I am going to discuss the warning signs of a Workplace Bully Leaders to increase awareness.

What is Workplace Bullying?

According to Wikipedia  Workplace bullying is a persistent pattern of mistreatment from others in the workplace that causes either physical or emotional harm.  It can include such tactics as verbalnonverbalpsychologicalphysical abuse and humiliation. This type of workplace aggression is particularly difficult because, unlike the typical school bully, workplace bullies often operate within the established rules and policies of their organization and their society. In the majority of cases, bullying in the workplace is reported as having been by someone who has authority over their victim. However, bullies can also be peers, and occasionally subordinates. 

Signs of a Possible Workplace Bully Leaders:

  • Demeaning, disrespectful and devaluing employees capabilities
  • Public ridicule, sarcastic, insults, name-calling, threats, and intimidation
  • Targeting and creating social isolation with staff
  • Blaming, lying, gossiping, spreading rumors and whispering
  • Failing to give credit to employees for their work
  • Overloading targeted employee with a huge workload
  • Micro-Manages and commands respect without earning it
  • A know it all

Bully leaders create isolation and silo work environments.  They divide staff and departments to keep control.

Why don’t people speak up?  Employees are afraid of losing their jobs.

Bullying by leadership has been associated with number of physical and behavioral health issues for the employees who are targeted.

Warning Signs of an Employee Being Bullied:

  • Becomes less socially active or confident
  • Appears scared, stressed, anxious or depressed
  • Calling out sick more frequently than normal
  • Physical signs of tension such as headaches, backaches, not sleeping well and suicidal thoughts

If bullying is unaddressed the aggression and unresolved conflicts will continue to escalate.  When not dealt with, it causes negative affects on the targeted workers – maybe even psychological, financial and physical burdens.

The Results to the Employers: 

  • High Turnover and Absenteeism
  • Low Productivity
  • Lack of Creativity
  • Legal Costs
  • Damaged Reputation

If you recognize Workplace Bully Leaders in your organization or within yourself.

Here are a few tips to encourage behavioral change for this type of leadership style.

  • Sit down with them and discuss the behavior you have observe
  • Ask questions, give feedback on their management style and suggestions on how to improve engagement with staff
  • Set a zero tolerance approach of workplace bullying
  • Build trust and open door policies to discuss bullying
  • Schedule leadership training courses especially on bullying – Udemy.com
  • Schedule emotional intelligent courses – Udemy.com
  • Schedule interpersonal communication courses – Udemy.com
  • Schedule conflict resolution courses – Udemy.com
  • Schedule constructive criticism courses – Udemy.com
  • Read John C. Maxwell Relationships 101 book
  • Get them a mentor who is a successful leader
  • Hire a leadership coach to help them succeed
  • Becoming a Better Leader [e-Book] Click here to download your copy.

Takeaway:

Bullying promotes an atmosphere of fear, vulnerability, anxiousness, and uncertainty.  Awareness is the key to change.  Develop a workplace of zero tolerance accompanied with training, coaching and mentoring to display compassion, empathy, safety and trust.

Have you had a Workplace Bully as a Boss?  

If yes, How did they make you feel?  

How did you overcome it?

Answering these questions above and sharing your experiences may help someone else dealing with a workplace bully.

Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.

How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link  21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop to learn more.

Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

The Destruction of the Absentee Leader


What is an absentee leader?

An absentee leader is someone in a leadership position who is psychologically absent from their responsibilities as a leader.  They are known as the “silent killers.”

Here are some characteristics of an absentee leader:

  • Psychologically absent from their staff.
  • Take value out of an organization without contributing back.
  • These leaders are laissez-faire (to let people do as they choose)
  • Don’t show up to meetings, unresponsive to emails, gives zero feedback and doesn’t share important information with employees.
  • Seldom engage with staff.

Organizations rarely confront the absentee leaders.  If left unobserved they can halt succession planning, block potential staff from promoting and cause unproductively in the workplace.  Those who report to them may become frustrated which has a negative impact on the employees and the work environment.

Teams with absent supervisors often feel they have no direction, are unrecognized, neglected and overlooked without any clear goals, guidance, and feedback.  Employees don’t develop under an absentee leader.

The Destruction of the Absentee Leader:

  • Degrades the employee’s job satisfaction
  • Leads to job performance uncertainty
  • Employee’s stress levels and talents are drained

As long as the absentee leader has an employee who will pick up the slack this behavior will continue.  The absentee leader enjoys the perks and entitlements of their title but isn’t doing the job.  This type of leadership style is destructive. The hard-working employee’s who are actually doing the work aren’t receiving the support, recognition, or crucial feedback.  The absentee leader accepts credit when things are going right and pushes blame on staff when things are not.

If you recognize an absentee leader in your organization or within yourself. Here are a few tips to encourage behavioral change in this leadership style.

Companies don’t always see the effects of this type of leadership style until the damage has already occurred.

Takeaway:

Recognize the absentee leader within your organization or inside yourself and address the situation.  Employees want a leader who is there for them.  Staff follow a leader who will coach, train, motivate, recognize their accomplishments and help them to succeed.

Have you experienced an absentee leader?  If yes, What was it like?

 

 

 

 

Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.

How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link  21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop to learn more.

Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

How Does Coaching Change Lives?

May is my favorite month!

It is springtime, International Coaching Week and so much more.  Coaching has such a powerful and unique way of changing lives for the better.

International Coaching Week (ICW) is May 7-13, 2018

What is International Coaching Week?
International Coaching Week (ICW) is an annual week-long global celebration of the coaching profession, which the International Coaching Federal (ICF) local chapters and members spread the word about coaching and how coaching changes lives.

What is Coaching?
Coaching is client focused.  The coach recognizes each client is a unique individual with the ability to determine their own priorities, goals, and action steps towards what they truly want in life.  The coach assists the client through active listening, asking questions, and affirming the client’s accountability.

How Does Coaching Change Lives?

Recently, I asked one of my client’s the following questions:

What has been your experience working with me as your coach?

Answer:  You are firm, when I am not.  You are able to clarify where I may not be standing up for myself – or what I am here to do.  You are fair, and see what is the fair or appropriate thing to do in situations that involved partnership, teams and relationships with others.  You simplify what I am looking for, so I don’t waste time, you help me get straight to the point.

It actually inspires me to do good, be a better person, be INVESTED in people, be caring, be passionate AND be connected to those I work with.  Think about myself and my needs AND think about the needs of others, while making sure I don’t sacrifice my needs.  A lot of care. You make me feel I’m worthwhile, valuable and you make me feel that others are worthwhile and valuable, and show or support me to support the value in others.

How do you think my coaching has helped you become a better leader?

Answer:  By being fearless to express my needs.  In simple terms, so even if I have emotions about expressing my needs.  I still express them.  Plus clarifying the benefits of expressing my needs to the best outcome for all involved.  It is important to understand what coaching means and why it can be essential to your life in and out of the office.

I wrote this poem Life is Liking Hiking a Mountain by Patti Oskvarek about experiencing coaching and how it can make a big difference in people lives.

I had submitted this poem to the International Coaching Federation (ICF) Phoenix local chapter a few years ago and included a testimony from a client. The testimony is at the end of the presentation. This testimony is a good reminder of how coaching can change people’s lives for the better and why I became a coach.

Click on the click below to view the International Coaching Federation (ICF) Phoenix Chapter Presentation and scroll down the page to the presentation and read the testimony at the end as well.

Life is Liking Hiking a Mountain by Patti Oskvarek

What do you think?  Are you ready to learn more about the coaching experience?

If so, click on the link and sign up for the 21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop.

Have you experienced coaching?  If so, feel free to share about your coaching experiences.  Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, family and on your social networks!

To learn more about one to one coaching with Patti – email me at: patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

Become a Better Leader [e-Book] Click here to download your copy.