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Episode 49 – How Balancing Thoughts and Feelings Make Your Relationships Better

In this podcast episode Angela and Patti will be discussing how having balance with thoughts and feelings can improve your relationships with others at home and work.

To listen to Episode 49 – How Balancing Thoughts and Feelings Make Your Relationships Better

Summary:

Angela: All of us have thoughts that are not happy thoughts. We all have thoughts out of balance, not kind, not great, and better not shared. However, once you think, an idea adds to the collective thoughts of consciousness in all human beings. 48 Building Resilience with Social and Viral Media for Caring Relationships I talked about Mass Consciousness, which is the collective thoughts and emotions created, experienced, and projected by humans through all time. 

Patti: Adding a little more to this about our unhappy thoughts – When we feel victimized, our thoughts and feelings become unbalanced. Working through those feelings helps to maintain balance and interactions with others. For example, looking towards the future with hope and gratitude while realizing the past was a life lesson to navigate a better tomorrow.  

Angela: Patti, you do Coaching for Inspiration with Patti. You inspire people with ideas, thoughts to think differently, creatively and solution focussed.  Do you find that humans are balanced in their thoughts?

Patti: Most people have a lot thrown at them throughout the day. They have not spent any time shutting off. They are overload and overwhelmed, and some are just going through the motions. Some are constantly in fear or defensive mode. So to answer the question, no.  

Angela: Do you feel thoughts are inherently negative and positive, and then we have to see both negative and positive and see what emerges from the two?

Patti: Depends on the home and work environment. For example, suppose they have a stable, loving, and respectful home life (positive) and have turmoil, criticism, hostility, and lack of love or encouragement in the family unit (negative). In the work environment: Say that they feel challenged, respected. Enjoy their job, encouraged. Acknowledge, praise, and feel heard (positive). However, if the workplace lacks teamwork, it promotes aggressive competitiveness, micro-managing, harsh critiquing, pitting each other against one another, criticizing, and bickering behavior (negative).  

There could be a combination of both excellent home life and horrible work life. Or an awful home life and a great work environment. Then there is both a negative home and work life or both positive home and work life. So which is the most balanced? Is it having joy in both places? Whether people realize it or not, personal and work-life run into each other daily.  

Angela: What is inspiration, and how could inspiration be derived from negative and positive thoughts interacting with each other?

Patti response:  What is inspiration?  

The definition from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/inspiration

Inspiration is inspiring or animating action or influence, as an idea or a result of inspired activity, a thing or person that inspires you. Theology or Spiritual – A divine influence directly and immediately put upon the mind or soul. The divine quality of writing, words of a person so influenced—the act of inspiring the quality or state of being inspired.

To me, inspiration is when you feel compelled or drawn to do something and feel good about it. Someone encourages you, and you feel energized and enjoy doing it.

When something negative happens in life, reflect on that situation, you can either look at it from overwhelm, distraught, resentfulness, un-forgiveness, or anger. That’s okay; we need to go through the process of healing. However, it is not healthy for us when it consumes us for years and holds us back in life, and we can’t move on. It can make us sick and change our perspective towards others that have nothing to do with what happened. When we learn from that experience and share how we moved past it with others who are going through the same thing, we inspire them to heal from it as well. That is taking a negative and moving it to a positive interaction of thoughts and actions.  

Angela: Whenever you have a thought, it could be a thought that has circulated throughout history – it could be a thought from your parents that you think is yours – but is it? 

Changing the thought cycle is important if it is harmful or unkind. An Example: Say, as a child you are verbally abused; how can you stop this cycle with your children? So it doesn’t continue. Change your interaction and words towards them in a kinder way. 

If you’re a parent beating yourself up about your parenting, a good book is Dan Siegels’ Parenting from the Inside Out.

Parenting from the inside out, so you can understand the conflict between how you feel about how you treat your child because of how you were raised. Angela did a Facebook live on mothering and its connection to lack of self-love and hate, which looks at how we blame parents and at the same time damn ourselves to feelings of being separate from love.

Angela: A big part of my relationship healing work is to see all the unconscious and conscious negative thoughts I have had about a person, which can be some time and even years. And then I start to see how those thoughts have kept that person away from me – and actually how the person, even if I never said those words out loud – the person has felt those thoughts.

Patti: Pausing, reflecting, and asking yourself, is this helpful to me and my relationship with him. Does it need to be said? If yes, then do it; if no, then don’t.  

Angela: Most of what is helpful to my relationship is specifically spontaneous in the moment and has no real basis in thought. What is fruitful to the relationship is based in feeling, sentiment, comedy and delighted at the prospect of being in my partner’s presence. And there is no thought in that space. It’s when I get specific charged up thoughts that I know to start paying attention to them to see what they are trying to make me see inside myself – and if they have something loving, helpful, fun and insightful for my partner – they will be thoughts that are not expecting anything from the person that are shared without a thought, without thinking about it – and they just sort of come out of me spontaneously.

Patti: Angela, I love this – What is fruitful to the relationship?

This episode has given us a lot to think about in our relationships, whether social media, home life, and more. We would love to hear your tips, strategies, or inspiring stories on building better relationships at home and work or about this podcast topic. If you enjoy this podcast, How about becoming a supporter? Click on the Support button in the Anchor App. Thank you so much for listening.  

Dan Siegel’s & Mary Hartzell Parenting from the Inside Out – (affiliate link)

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