Damaged Relationships – Are They Salvageable?

Most of us have some sort of damaged relationships.  Even I have wounds and I struggle with forgiveness.  I know we should forgive and forget. Non-forgiveness causes physical and emotional harm.  Forgiveness will set us free, but what if the person you want to forgive continues the same hurtful behavior?

  • Apologies are never given.
  • Hurtful words are not forgotten.
  • Gossiping, bullying, and sharp razor tongues continue.
  • Boundaries are pushed aside or dismissed.
  • The people pleasers trying to pacify everyone, instead makes everything worse.
  • Family members speaking ill of each other or about someone’s spouse even when their children are in the room.

When these types of family dynamics continue to go on and don’t stop.  Children get hurt and carry those damaged emotions forever and the disruptive behavior carries on.

How can relationships heal if these type of behaviors are allowed to continue and fester?  They can’t.  Something has to change.

Are these relationships salvageable?

To be honest, I believe some yes and some no.

Yes, if both parties want this conflict resolved and if willing to sit down,  respectfully communicate with each other, listen to each other side of the situation and then both apologize.  I believe with continual effort and respectfulness it is salvageable.

No, if one of the parties doesn’t want to resolve it, or apologize, or doesn’t want to make the situation better.

Each individual is responsible for their own actions and the words they speak.  I am very guilty of letting the cycle continue instead of putting a stop to it myself.  Especially when trying to enforce boundaries, so the behavior will stop.  There will be people who will bust down those fences or bully their way in.

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. ~ Spanish Proverb

How do you stop the gossiping and ill talk?

One person at a time.  When someone speaks bad about another family member – walk away, change the subject, or say to them politely, I don’t want to hear this, or say something nice about the person who is being gossiped about.  I know this may be uncomfortable.  Believe me, I struggle with this myself.  I am definitely, a work in progress and probably always will be.  Hurtful words are weapons and when people are wounded, they will afflict pain on others.

Strategies to Halt Gossip:

  • Awareness of what is happening
  • Say something nice or nothing at all
  • Don’t repeat gossip or something you were told in confidence
  • Make a conscious decision to stop these behaviors

Words once spoken can never be recalled. ~ Wentworth Dillion

How would you feel, if you heard others speaking unkind about you?

Would you forgive?

Would you react?

Would you ignore it?

Would you not care?

Gossiping and speaking bad about others has become an acceptable social activity.  Whether it is at home or at work.  

The next time you are about to say something unkind about someone.

Pause and reflect:

How would I feel if someone said that about me?

How would it make that person feel?

Would those words hurt others I love?

 

Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.

How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link  21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop.

Stay up to date and receive the Coaching for Inspiration with Patti quarterly newsletter by clicking HERE.

Follow Coaching for Inspiration with Patti for daily updates on FACEBOOK  and TWITTER

Follow Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Facebook Group

Listen to Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Podcast

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Are you interested in coaching with me?  I have coaching packages available.  Contact me at patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

 

Beyond Comparison and Accepting One-Self (Video)

In case you missed the Facebook Live Video where Angela Ambrosia, Love & Relationship Coach and Patti Oskvarek, Leadership & Work-Life Balance Coach discuss Beyond Comparison and Accepting One-Self.

Or

You can listen to the Podcast Episode 4 – Beyond Comparison and Accepting One-Self.

Also, come and join the Building Building Relationships Facebook Group. We share all kinds of things about creating better relationships. 

Please feel free to share, comments and questions are always welcome.   

Making Good Life Choices

Recently my husband Tom and I were at a local restaurant sitting in the bar area eating pizza and wings.  I heard one of the staff members say to another employee (Jake not his real name) as she was leaving for the night “Please make good choices.”

“Please make good choices.”

I thought wow, why would she say that to Jake her co-worker and friend.  Then I remember Jake had been talking to Tom and I about his family and a woman he has been long distant communicating with from his home state.  Jake is a single parent raising two small children.  Then I realized why Jake’s co-worker was a little worried about him.  He was thinking about packing up and moving back to his home state to be with his old acquaintance.

A few years ago a childhood friend said to me people change, I am not the same person I used to be.  People do change as they move through life journeys.

“I am not the same person I used to be.”

Is this person the same person you fell for all those years ago.  Some would say yes and some would say no.  I believe people do change.  Interests change, goals in life change, careers, relationships and tragic circumstances change us and yes, bad stuff happens that make us view the world in a different way, then we did before.

“I believe people do change.  Interests change, goals in life change, careers, relationships and tragic circumstances change us and yes, bad stuff happens that make us view the world in a different way, then we did before.”

The only way you really get to know someone is to be with them through the good, the bad and the ugly.  I am not the same person I was when I was younger.  I was really shy with a kind heart.  I realized that when I went to a celebration of life recently and meet up with old childhood friends.  I had changed through the years and so have they.

Only Jake can make the best decision for him.  Hopefully, he really gets to know this lady before he packs up his family and moves.  Some would say take a chance on love and others would say only a fool rushes in.  We don’t want to live with regrets or should of’s, however we do need to weigh the possible outcomes.

Relationships take time.  Getting to know the true person isn’t something that happens over night.  It takes spending quality time with someone.  Going through struggles as well as having fun together.  Learning to communicate about the hard stuff instead of avoiding it.  Taking the time to figure out if this is really the right person for me and I can’t live without them. ~ Patti

What would you do if you were Jake?

Would you take a chance on love and move or take the time to get to really know the person? 

Comments are always welcome and please share this post with your colleagues, friends, and family on your social networks! Sharing is caring.

How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link  21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop.

Stay up to date and receive the Coaching for Inspiration with Patti quarterly newsletter by clicking HERE.

Follow Coaching for Inspiration with Patti for daily updates on FACEBOOK  and TWITTER

Come and follow Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela & Patti Facebook Group

Come and follow Work-Life Balance with Patti Facebook Group

How may I help you?  Are you interested in coaching with me?  I have coaching packages available.  Contact me at patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com

 

 

The Many Masks of Loneliness [Podcast]

Episode 3 – The Many Masks of Loneliness Podcast

This episode is about The Many Masks of Loneliness Podcast

What lies behind the masks? 

Warning Signs of Loneliness:
1. Shopping a lot and care a lot about material possessions
2. Binge watching TV
3. Feel don’t get enough sleep. Constantly tired. Sleep fragmentation when you can’t sleep through the night and are continuously waking up.
4. Take a lot of hot showers or baths for comfort.
5. Get sick a lot with colds.
6. Feeling depressed.
7. Spend a lot of time of time on social media.

Come and join our Facebook group “Building Better Relationships at Work and Home with Angela and Patti” share with others.

Angela is hosting a workshop in Sydney, Australia this Monday Dec 3, 2018 Healing with your Mother and Father Process.

Check out this post “The Impostor Syndrome” – Do you feel like an Impostor?  Sometimes?

Come join me September 12, 2018 – On Facebook Live discussing “When to say No and When to say Yes!”

 

Building Better Relationships at Home and Work with Angela and Patti

September 12, 2018
PST 10:30 AM
EST 12:30 PM
PARIS TIME 7:30 PM
When to say No and when to say Yes!
You can watch us on Facebook Live at this page here:
https://www.facebook.com/angela.ambrosia.31

How about creating Harmony in Your Life; click on the link  21- Days Optimal Work/Life Balance Workshop.

Want “one to one coaching” with Patti – email me patti@coachingforinspirationwithpatti.com