I’m sure we have all meet someone who seems to have it all together and projects they have a perfect life. They post all this fun and fabulous stuff on Facebook about their life. They have a great career, a huge house, a brand new car, and a loving home life from appearances, then, later on, you find out it was all a show.
What about a leader that appears to be perfect?
Is anyone genuinely perfect? Hell no, we all have quirks, habits, personalities that may rub someone the wrong way at times and make mistakes; that is what a human does.
Do you respect someone who looks and acts like they are perfect, or do you question their authenticity?
Who do you respect more, someone who is a hot mess but holds it all together or a fake perfect person that is always looking to make a great impression?
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should scatter all your dirty laundry around at work. However, when someone comes across as always perfect and doesn’t make mistakes, it leaves suspicion and lack of trust. By not showing your human side, it is hard to build lasting relationships. You may be called a fair-weather person.
What makes a good leader is they admit they are imperfect and care about doing a good job, the staff, their coworkers, and customers.
What are your thoughts? 🦋 Does perfection equal an outstanding leader? 🦋 Or something completely different?
This month’s topic theme is going to be about burnout. Has it ever happened to you? It is not fun, but it is becoming more common for people in management positions and high demanding careers.
I came across this movie, “Sweet Home Carolina,” on Tubi. It starts with Diane sitting in her office, not answering her office phone, and hyperventilating into a brown bag.
Burnout is what happens when the soul whispering against an unhealthy job or relationship. – Dr. Dina Glouberman
Diane is an Advertising Executive, and her personal life is a mess. She works long hours and has a habit of picking up her youngest child late from school. Her oldest teenage daughter is angry with her over the divorce of her parents and blames Diane. Diane is receiving collection notices in the mail. She is a train wreck ready to happen. Family dinners consist of frozen lasagna and Diane drinking a few glasses of wine before going to bed.
Don’t get so busy making a living, that you forget to make a life. – Dolly Parton
When Diane thought her life couldn’t get any worst. Her boss called her into his office and gave away her biggest client to a coworker. Then told her she needed to take some time off (permanently). A life preserver happened; her Aunt, who recently passed away, left her a house in a small town in South Carolina. The stipulations were taking care of her Aunt’s dog and living in the house for a year. She subleased her home in Los Angeles, and she and her daughters moved.
Don’t accept burnout as the price or definition of success. – Jon Acuff
The demanding career, the big house, and a fancy car is not everything. What makes true happiness? In Diane’s case, she realized that most important to her was a loving, respectful relationship with her daughters, a good man who loved her deeply, and a small town of caring people.
Sometimes we choose a career because of the large paycheck and later realize the job has cost us more than we bargained. No social life, no friends, damaged love life, estranged family, health problems, a lack of purpose, and what happened to my enthusiasm and happiness?
Think about your life. Is this the way I want my story to end?
Recently I was searching for something to watch on Prime Video and came across the movie “Sensitively Training.” I thought it would be interesting since this is a pretty hot topic, and it is about a business/life coach and her reluctant client.
Serena (client) is a microbiologist, and she is excellent with bacteria but not so good with people. She had no filter; she said whatever she thought no holding back. After belittling a colleague in a staff meeting, and then the coworker committed suicide, Serena is mandated into sensitivity training with Caroline (coach). Caroline has a positive outlook of life, and she represents everything Serena dislikes, but Caroline is determined to help Serena. Caroline was at a crossroads in her coaching career. She wanted to coach on more than sexual harassment cases and make a difference in people’s lives. In the movie, the coaching/client relationship becomes unprofessionally blurred at times; however, Serena had positive behavioral results from the coaching process.
What is sensitively training? It is a form of training, with the goal of making people more aware of their own goals as well as their prejudices, and more sensitive to others and to the dynamics of group interaction.
What isworkplace sensitivity training? It ensures that everyone in the workplace is respected and treated appropriately, regardless of who they are while learning to be respectful and consider the perspectives of others.
What isrespectful workplace training? It has a different approach, which isn’t about being broken and needing to be fixed. It allows you to be you, but with a different lens to look through.
What are some coaching and training topics for Workplace Sensitivity and Respectful Workplace?
Communication & Coaching for Leaders
Managing Workplace Conflict
Promoting Positive Personal Conduct
Respectful Workplace and Communication
Serena had a wake-up call (Sensitivity Coaching and Training) that changed her personal and professional life forever. She was smiling, happy, and enjoying life for the first time. Serena had a friend, a pet (turtle), and a relationship with her half-brother. She was listening and engaging with her staff. As a team, they came up with a solution to a problem bacteria, for Serena sensitivity coaching and training was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
There are times throughout our careers; we may say something offensive to someone and not even realize it. It was unintentional; however, we learn from those mistakes and continue to grow as managers, supervisors, and leaders. Apologize when appropriate. Take time to listen, observe, and be open to other people’s points of view. Be coachable. Take training courses on new leadership strategies. Hire a coach to help you get through any challenges you are facing. Learn from your daily interactions and reflect on how to do better next time around. ~ Patti
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During these uncertain and stressful times, more than ever, we need joy in our daily lives. Whether at work or home. A smile can change someone’s day from gloomy to joyful; showing some compassion when a coworker is at their breaking point or providing a little laughter can help everyone get through these unusual circumstances.
A good laugh heals a lot of hurts. — Madeleine L’Engle
What are the benefits of laughter in the workplace?
Laughter can lower stress and boredom, strengthen the immune system, and enhance team engagement, collaboration, creativity, and well-being. It relaxes the body and defuses conflict.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. — Victor Borge
How can you brighten someone’s day with a little laughter?
When were some times you and your team laugh at work?
What can you do to encourage laughter in the workplace?
Lately, I have been hearing that the “new” working from home has been very hard for some. They are saying they are working more hours then if they were in the office and it is leading to burnout and frustration.
Burnout is not fun. When you reach that point, you are exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes, you don’t even realize what happened. You have changed within. You feel confused, angry, and so tired of everything and everyone and no patience.
How did you get to this point?
High-achievers should continually be on the lookout for the warning signs of burnout because they don’t always see it coming. The doers are passionate about their work progress and tend to work long hours. They take on heavier workloads and put high expectations on themselves, which may lead to burnout if not monitored by pausing with some self-care techniques. Trying to be everything and anything to everyone, putting work 24/7 above rest, relaxation, a little fun, family, and friends. That’s how.
Is there a way to reverse it. Of course, but you have to take some time away from work mentally, emotionally, and physically. Not stepping away for a while could cost you your career, health, and relationships.
“Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough”. ~ unknown
What is burnout?
It is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.
What are some warn signs?
🦋 Cynical, critical, pessimism, anger or irritable at work
🦋 Disliking the job, forcing yourself to get up and go to work or having a hard time getting started
🦋 Irritable or impatient with others, coworker, boss, customers or clients
🦋 Lack of energy or low productivity or chronic fatigue or loss of appetite
🦋 No focus, mind wanders, forgetfulness, or hard to concentrate
🦋 No satisfaction from achievements, feeling unappreciated for all the extra work effort
🦋 Feelings of disillusionment about career, isolation, depression, and anxiety
🦋 Using alcohol, drugs, or food to feel better or not to feel at all
🦋 Change in sleeping patterns, maybe insomnia or oversleeping
If not addressed, burnout can leave people feeling empty, exhausted, depressed, and unable to deal with daily life’s demands.
How to change?
🦋 Focus on your recent and past accomplishments 🦋 Stop self-criticizing yourself and others 🦋 Create a happy space to spend time in for self-reflection, meditation, and prayer 🦋 Make and write in a daily gratitude journal
Change your workflow! 🦋 Stop multitasking and focus on one task at a time towards completion 🦋 Take regular breaks 🦋 Limit working overtime 🦋 Journal about things that are bothering you and come up with solutions to resolve them.
If you are experiencing some of these symptoms, it’s time to take some action to reverse it. Self-reflect and make some changes to reduce stress and anxiety. Take control of your workload and have reasonable expectations about what is achievable.
Do you have a happy place?
If yes, where is it? I would love to hear about your happy place. If no, why not?
Sometimes in our careers, we have all worked with someone unprofessional. They may come across like they don’t care, don’t even know how to behave in a professional setting, or even realize their behavior is unprofessional. How do most people usually respond? Avoidance! They would rather avoid the situation instead of addressing the unprofessionalism. Why? Because it is uncomfortable. Whether new or experienced, many supervisors shy away from confrontation, thinking that the behavior will go away. However, in most cases, the behavior gets worse when it’s not dealt with and continues.
Is there a way to help or mentor them?
Yes, of course, there is, by addressing the behavior. People can’t change if they don’t know their behavior is displeasing.
🦋 Calmly explain to the unprofessional person how to be treated with respect. Give an example of what is respectful and courteous.
Here are some examples:
“When you roll your eyes at me while I am speaking to you, this makes me feel disrespected. ”
“When you don’t respond to me with an answer, I feel frustrated and ignored. Please respond promptly.” (In this example, it could be in person, email, text, etc.)
Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath each feeling is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom. ~ Ashleigh Warner
If we are all honest, there are times in our careers when we have been unprofessional. A coworker pushed us over the edge with a passive-aggressive comment. The harsh boss that embarrassed you in front of your peers or a group meeting and yelled at everyone because of one coworker’s lousy behavior and ruins everyone’s day. An argument in a staff meeting went over the top.
I think this is one of the most challenging aspects of any job when working with the public or collaborating with coworkers. “How do I respond to unprofessional people?”
There are numerous reasons. Coworkers can be defensive, rude, sarcastic, have their own agenda, and be plain difficult. Some even enjoy causing workplace drama and spreading rumors. They get high while watching the sh*t fly as the tension builds and the hostility grows around them.
We spend more time with our coworkers than with family. Coworkers sometimes know us better than we know ourselves. Some even like to push our buttons so that we will react unfavorably.
Some people don’t have speaking filters. They talk at the same time as the thoughts enter their head. They don’t even know what they said was unkind, disrespectful, or demeaning. Some people, you can’t approach them about their unprofessional behavior as a coworker. You may need to discuss the situation with your supervisor.
How can you make the most of it?
Before you approach the unprofessional person:
Think about how they will respond.
Have a plan of action on how to communicate with recommended solutions.
Will they accept the feedback or react unfavorably towards you.
No matter how awful someone treats you. Stop, reflect, and walk away. I know it is hard to walk away when emotions overtake you. However, just because you don’t react, it doesn’t mean you didn’t notice the behavior or accept it. The only way to stop a toxic person is not to engage with them. Address the situation later when you both have time to think it over and calm down, not in the heat of the moment. Choose your battles carefully. Sometimes responding in anger makes you look like a fool in front of others.
Reflect on your career.
🦋 What were some of your experiences dealing with unprofessional?
🦋 What did you learn from these experiences?
Did you find this helpful? If so, please share this blog post with others! Comments are always welcome.
Interested in one to one coaching with me?To schedule “one on one coaching” with Patti – click on the “Schedule Now” button below:
Angela and Patti share communication tips at work. How to stay in a job and manage difficult relationships. How to ask yourself the questions to determine how to manage your emotions. To listen to the full podcast episode click below:
What does this meme tell you?
Take a look at yourself. Is the relationship problem really you? What is it about this person that triggers you? Is it past behavior? Do they remind you of someone? Do they remind you of something you don’t like within yourself?
Angela: Is this a group issue or is it an issue just for you. Do others in workplace share your issue? This points to something missing in the group environment.
Use the PAUSE and REFLECT Technique PAUSE for three to five seconds before responding. This gives you time to change your response or don’t respond at all.
What if you receive a nasty passive/aggressive email from your boss or coworker? Before responding back to the email. Write out your response. Don’t send it! Walk away for awhile. Sleep on it, if you don’t have to respond within the same day. Then rewrite it when you have calmed down. Have someone else read it that you trust to help tone it down before hitting the send button.
What to consider:
Should I stay at my current employment or move on?
Make a list of “why to stay” and “why to go”. Be upfront and honest. No holding back from the truth of the matter! Look at which column has the most reasons? Make your decision from there. Is there more good reason to stay? Or reasons to leave.
Are you interested in one on one coaching with Angela? Angela has one on one coaching program called Transformed Relationships, you can book a Relationship Clarity Call at https://loveandrelationshipcoach.setmore.com and discover more about the program.
If you found this podcast helpful. Please share with others. Push the like button on Anchor and leave us an encouraging review. Listener support is very much appreciated. Thank you for listening!
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Angela and I would like to thank Anchor for hosting this podcast.
As a leader, have you stopped, pause, and reflected before reacting? I know this can be difficult at times, especially when in the middle of a crisis. We want to resolve the problem as quickly as possible. When pausing, we won’t jump immediately into the wrong conclusion.
Incorporating the Art of Pause into Leadership:
The PAUSE and REFLECT Technique When at work and someone is rude to you. Or you don’t agree with them. Pause for three to five seconds before responding. Pausing will give you time to reframe your reply or decide not to respond at all.
Pause, Reflect and Don’t send an email response you will regret! I think everyone has sent an email they regretted sending sometime or another. What if you receive a nasty passive/aggressive email? Before responding to the email. Write out your reply. Don’t send it and walk away. If possible sleep on it. Then rewrite the email response, when you have calmed down. Have someone else read it to help tone down the language before hitting the send button.
“Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything”. – unknown
Don’t get me wrong as a leader. There are times you have to be direct with employees for them to improve their work performance. We can’t ignore the situation and let it continue. Have a plan on how to address it. Write it out and practice what and how to say it. There are also times when you do need to respond immediately and make a quick decision. When possible, take the opportunity to pause and reflect. What is happening around you? It may change your approach and captivate a great solution.
What are your thoughts about the art of pause?
How will you incorporate it into your leadership style?
Comments are always welcome. You can always use your initials or anonymous for your name, if this makes you feel more comfortable to respond. 🙂 Did you find this helpful? if so, please share this blog post with your colleagues, friends, and family on all your social networks! Thank you. 🙂
As a leader having efficient and effective meetings is crucial to running a successful business. Group meetings that aren’t productive are a waste of valuable time and cost the company money.
Have you ever been in a meeting, and there is at least one person or all attendees that have nothing positive to say about anything?
I remember one day I finally snapped in a meeting. My leader wasn’t listening and talked over me while explaining why my team needed some technical help. So I started raising my voice over my leader. I was so upset with myself. That day, I realized this isn’t for me, and I didn’t particularly appreciate pushed to respond that way. I knew that this was the norm for the group, always trying to one-up, and I didn’t want to play anymore. I started putting my exit plan into action; it was time to remove myself from working there.
What are rude behaviors in meetings?
Interrupting the person speaking
Not listening, acting bored, or lack of engagement
Being disrespectful to the speaker
Two people talking privately among themselves while someone else is speaking
People are just plain hostile to each other
Arguing over whose point is right
Over talking each other
Sarcastic, mean comments to the speaker or each other
Being very judgmental to each other
One-upping each other
Participants taking everything that is said very personally due to the hostile interaction
Embarrassing the host or leader with malicious remarks
I have been in group meetings where all of these actions have happened, been the target, and been a participant in some disrespectful behaviors. I am not proud of the way I acted, discourteous and unprofessional at times, but that was acceptable to voice your opinion. Was this behavior a way to conquer and get what was needed? Not really. Did anything get resolved? Most of the time, nothing accomplished.
What lesson did I learn? I wanted things to be different, and I probably cared too much. I was tired, beaten down, disrespected, and unhappy with the results. I knew nothing would change in these meetings, and I had to either accept it, change my thinking or leave.
On the bright side, my team at the time had a code of conduct for our meetings. People were respectful to each other and followed them. If someone didn’t follow the code of conduct, including me, the team would call you out on it. Things got resolved, and people felt heard.
What happened to common courtesy, collaboration, and respectfulness towards each other?
How can we change the behavior? I believe it takes one person at a time and the leader to lead by example and reverse this unprofessional behavior.
Here are some tips:
Set up rules of conduct for meeting(s). Go over them at the beginning of each meeting as a reminder. Have the code of conduct on the agenda template. As time goes on with the same group of attendees, the code of conduct will not need addressing because it is on the agenda. I would recommend that a new person attend the meeting to read the code of conduct at the beginning of the meeting.
When someone says something negative, turn to them and say something positive about the topic or person.
When someone intentionally breaks meeting etiquette, politely remind them or refer to the code of conduct.
As the leader, focus on following the code of conduct, leading by example, and positive meeting etiquette will become achievable by all participants.
Redirect the “off-topic” discussions for later.
Having a set code of conduct and behavior etiquette is so essential to running successful meetings. Being courteous and respectful allows everyone to speak, be heard, participate, engage, and this is when great results will happen. Be organized and prepared. As a leader, we lead by example and if we are not focused and engaged; our employees will not be either. ~ Patti
Comments are always welcome. You can use your initials or anonymous for your name if this makes you feel more comfortable responding. 🙂 Did you find this helpful? If so, please share this blog post with your colleagues, friends, and family on all your social networks! Thank you. 🙂
My husband and I enjoyed watching the TV show the Treehouse Masters on the Animal Planet channel. Pete Nelson is the Treehouse Master. He is a gentle and kind man. He is passionate about his job. He loves to have fun and designs each treehouse very special for his clients.
Treehouses lift the spirits. They inspire dreams. They represent freedom: from adults or adulthood, from duties and responsibilities, from an earthbound perspective. If we can’t fly with the birds, at least we can nest with them. – Pete Nelson
The treehouse(s) that Pete Nelson and his crew build are unique. Pete meets with his clients and designs what they want. He spends time getting to know his client(s) by asking questions and really listening to their desires. He is friendly and open. Pete gets very excited exploring and finding the perfect location with the right type of tree(s) to support the treehouse. When his clients see the treehouse for the first time their expressions of joy are priceless.
When his clients see the treehouse for the first time their expressions of joy are priceless.
Pete Nelson Leadership Style: He meets with his crew, gives them instructions and they build the treehouse. Pete gets out of the way and let’s his crew do their jobs. You can tell the staff love their work. They joke around but pay attention to detail. They work in all kinds of weather and still enjoy it.
What can we learn from Pete Nelson leadership style?
It is okay to laugh and have fun at work
Spend time getting to know your client(s) by asking questions and really listening
Take every client(s) challenging request and make it a reality
Give your client more than they ever dreamed possible
Get out of the way and let your staff do their job
Trust your staff that they will do a great job when you are not around
What can you incorporate starting today in your leadership from Pete Nelson example as a leader?
Comments are always welcome. You can always use your initials or anonymous for your name, if this makes you feel more comfortable to respond. 🙂 Did you find this helpful? If so, please share this blog post with your colleagues, friends, and family on all your social networks! Thank you. 🙂