Where did the love go? Turn OFF the electronic and turn ON your partner!
Once I had a relationship (in its early stages) and I was convinced I could do whatever I wanted in that relationship – until my partner told me to not bring the laptop to our bed.
I had always pointed the finger at my “exes” for not giving me enough affection, not paying attention to how wonderful I was, it was easy to point the finger at someone else. But with this partner, I got a tough lesson where he felt affronted – and aghast – that I would bring into our bed – the ‘third’ man – the laptop.
That was in the year 2008.
Today, we have so many devices that are smaller than a laptop – that fit into the palm of our hand (and I don’t mean those devices if you know want I mean!) that we bring into the bed – and we don’t think anything of it.
How many times have you found yourself with your partner next to you in bed – or maybe your child – and in your hand – or both hands you are holding an electronic device such as smartphone, iPad, kindle or gaming device?
We think nothing of it – but the world shows us that this is the way of the future.
Electronic devices are here to stay – and they have entered our most intimate spaces – where humans make love, connect, tell stories and just stare into each other’s eyes.
So – if you were wondering how long my relationship from 2008 lasted – it was about 1 year after that first lesson from my partner how he was not impressed. But his lesson stayed with me permanently. How could I ever be with another partner – and treat them the same way – knowing that the very thing my ex wanted – undivided attention – was something I so – unconsciously – was not able to be sentient of?
Sentience is the ability to perceive or feel things.
With touch technology and the immediacy of stimulation from a screen, the physical body’s need for physical feelings is being downgraded as a priority.
But everybody knows – we NEED touch, eye contact, hand-holding, hugs, sweet talk, laughter, sharing stories and exploring the stories inside our loved one’s heart.
So why do we displace those very dear and endearing things….with an electronic device?
I am not going to tell you to turn your phones and electronic devices to get more intimacy – because that is a no-brainer.
If you really wanted to have more connection with your partner or loved ones, wouldn’t you just turn off the phone?
The REAL question is what my ex-partner so kindly demonstrated for me – why would you shut someone out that you loved in the first place. This is not about laziness. This is about a deeper calling for us to switch off from the places where we may even, potentially, experience more vulnerability.
As a love and relationship coach, the things I ask those looking for intimacy with their partner when they feel ‘disconnected’ from their partner are the same questions I had to ask myself when I got chided for bringing the laptop to bed.
- What are you afraid of facing if you had to be with your partner/loved one right now?
- What are you to shy of sharing with your partner?
- What are you avoiding feeling – either with your partner – or because you feel you shouldn’t ask for more, or you shouldn’t bother with – because it’s not that important?
- What are you ashamed, embarrassed or hesitant to share, because you may think you’re loved one will just not care?
We all need intimacy – and the easiest way to hide from that – is a device.
We already have many devices to avoid the ones we love: “too busy”, work, stress, kids, demands, etc. Electronic devices are another tool to avoid what we deeply want.
So I invite you to ask yourself, if you are touching your devices more than your partner?
If you never had to be worried, ashamed or hesitant of how you would be received, what would you LOVE to share with your partner?
And if that is too hard to answer – google it! Get creative – find ideas, poems, odd stories, anecdotes, anything that you can add to the mix of new possibilities of what you could share with your partner.
Your phones could also give you some smart “stories” that you can laugh and share with those you love as well. ~ Angela Ambrosia, LoveandRelationshipCoach.com
Angela Ambrosia is a Love and Relationship Coach with a deep affinity for women creating a deeply satisfying love. She is certified as a Life Coach and Relationship Coach by World Coach Institute, and a certified Subconscious Rapid Transformation Practitioner, a technique of subconscious re-patterning that transforms a person’s ability to create the relationship of their dreams. Adding to her gifts of insight and affinity are my certification as a teacher of meditation, and two decades-plus expertise in dance and body movement.
Angela invites you to join her free love and togetherness video series.