Angela: Today, we dive deeper into understanding the thoughts circulating in the modern workplace and the pandemic and conflict with working at home.
Angela: What are some of the sabotaging thoughts you have been exposed to in the workplace? There’s probably a long list – so maybe the ones common to many people first.
Patti: How about thoughts of comparing your abilities to your coworker’s strengths, or wanting to control outcomes, fear of rejection, or fear of failure, and the feelings that your manager has favoritism towards a coworker over you. These thoughts can sabotage your performance at work and can overtake you with fear and overwhelm.
Angela: There is a move to having people from work from home. How does this change the way some are performing at work? What makes some people love it while others hate it?
Patti: Since working at home, some have realized how much the work environment has caused havoc to their physical and mental state and given them space to reflect on what they want in life, and it may not be this workplace or career. For some, they liked working alone; it’s non-stressful dealing with other personalities and communication styles.
Angela: When the inner thoughts about work are not working well, what are some things you can suggest to help people get clear on their thoughts to make things better?
Patti: Recite positive affirmations to eliminate any negative thoughts about work. I’m sure you have seen those funny work memes. There is one where someone is sitting at their desk repeating this affirmation. “I love my job!” over and over again.
Reciting a prayer – something like this: Dear God, please help and encourage me today to have a positive attitude towards my job, work performance, and the people I work with and have a good day at work. Thank you, AMEN!
Listen to uplifting music.
Journal how you are feeling.
Go for a walk.
Focus on work tasks.
Remember – What you want in your life and remove the thoughts of what you don’t. Set goals of how you are going to change your situation at work and put them into action.
Angela: In Australia, in lockdowns, Parents who work at home have more expectations to do everything, homeschool, parent, and work – and it’s too much. Does something have to give with the way corporations or organizations approach work? The rising stress of parents is not healthy for society.
This episode has given us a lot to think about in our relationships at work. We would love to hear your tips, strategies, or inspiring stories on building better relationships at home and work or about this podcast topic.
Angela: All of us have thoughts that are not happy thoughts. We all have thoughts out of balance, not kind, not great, and better not shared. However, once you think, an idea adds to the collective thoughts of consciousness in all human beings. 48 Building Resilience with Social and Viral Media for Caring Relationships I talked about Mass Consciousness, which is the collective thoughts and emotions created, experienced, and projected by humans through all time.
Patti: Adding a little more to this about our unhappy thoughts – When we feel victimized, our thoughts and feelings become unbalanced. Working through those feelings helps to maintain balance and interactions with others. For example, looking towards the future with hope and gratitude while realizing the past was a life lesson to navigate a better tomorrow.
Angela: Patti, you do Coaching for Inspiration with Patti. You inspire people with ideas, thoughts to think differently, creatively and solution focussed. Do you find that humans are balanced in their thoughts?
Patti: Most people have a lot thrown at them throughout the day. They have not spent any time shutting off. They are overload and overwhelmed, and some are just going through the motions. Some are constantly in fear or defensive mode. So to answer the question, no.
Angela: Do you feel thoughts are inherently negative and positive, and then we have to see both negative and positive and see what emerges from the two?
Patti: Depends on the home and work environment. For example, suppose they have a stable, loving, and respectful home life (positive) and have turmoil, criticism, hostility, and lack of love or encouragement in the family unit (negative). In the work environment: Say that they feel challenged, respected. Enjoy their job, encouraged. Acknowledge, praise, and feel heard (positive). However, if the workplace lacks teamwork, it promotes aggressive competitiveness, micro-managing, harsh critiquing, pitting each other against one another, criticizing, and bickering behavior (negative).
There could be a combination of both excellent home life and horrible work life. Or an awful home life and a great work environment. Then there is both a negative home and work life or both positive home and work life. So which is the most balanced? Is it having joy in both places? Whether people realize it or not, personal and work-life run into each other daily.
Angela: What is inspiration, and how could inspiration be derived from negative and positive thoughts interacting with each other?
Inspiration is inspiring or animating action or influence, as an idea or a result of inspired activity, a thing or person that inspires you. Theology or Spiritual – A divine influence directly and immediately put upon the mind or soul. The divine quality of writing, words of a person so influenced—the act of inspiring the quality or state of being inspired.
To me, inspiration is when you feel compelled or drawn to do something and feel good about it. Someone encourages you, and you feel energized and enjoy doing it.
When something negative happens in life, reflect on that situation, you can either look at it from overwhelm, distraught, resentfulness, un-forgiveness, or anger. That’s okay; we need to go through the process of healing. However, it is not healthy for us when it consumes us for years and holds us back in life, and we can’t move on. It can make us sick and change our perspective towards others that have nothing to do with what happened. When we learn from that experience and share how we moved past it with others who are going through the same thing, we inspire them to heal from it as well. That is taking a negative and moving it to a positive interaction of thoughts and actions.
Angela: Whenever you have a thought, it could be a thought that has circulated throughout history – it could be a thought from your parents that you think is yours – but is it?
Changing the thought cycle is important if it is harmful or unkind. An Example: Say, as a child you are verbally abused; how can you stop this cycle with your children? So it doesn’t continue. Change your interaction and words towards them in a kinder way.
Parenting from the inside out, so you can understand the conflict between how you feel about how you treat your child because of how you were raised. Angela did a Facebook live on mothering and its connection to lack of self-love and hate, which looks at how we blame parents and at the same time damn ourselves to feelings of being separate from love.
Angela: A big part of my relationship healing work is to see all the unconscious and conscious negative thoughts I have had about a person, which can be some time and even years. And then I start to see how those thoughts have kept that person away from me – and actually how the person, even if I never said those words out loud – the person has felt those thoughts.
Patti: Pausing, reflecting, and asking yourself, is this helpful to me and my relationship with him. Does it need to be said? If yes, then do it; if no, then don’t.
Angela: Most of what is helpful to my relationship is specifically spontaneous in the moment and has no real basis in thought. What is fruitful to the relationship is based in feeling, sentiment, comedy and delighted at the prospect of being in my partner’s presence. And there is no thought in that space. It’s when I get specific charged up thoughts that I know to start paying attention to them to see what they are trying to make me see inside myself – and if they have something loving, helpful, fun and insightful for my partner – they will be thoughts that are not expecting anything from the person that are shared without a thought, without thinking about it – and they just sort of come out of me spontaneously.
Patti: Angela, I love this – What is fruitful to the relationship?
This episode has given us a lot to think about in our relationships, whether social media, home life, and more. We would love to hear your tips, strategies, or inspiring stories on building better relationships at home and work or about this podcast topic. If you enjoy this podcast, How about becoming a supporter? Click on the Support button in the Anchor App. Thank you so much for listening.
Today Angela and Patti will explore how to interact with Social Media and keep yourself focused on the impact that social media and addictive viral media has on how you treat others with care or carelessness. When Angela trained in Mass Communication we researched the history of documentary and fiction film, radio, creative video and theater. She used the term Mass Communication and the modern forms of Social Media and Viral Media grew out of these forms of mass communication as a way for every human to participate actively in all forms of mass communication. Social Media was a way for the people to create their own stories and respond to the mass media being projected on them or about them.
Is this similar to shadow work?
Shadow work comes from the term “the shadow self,” which was coined by famed 20th-century psychologist Carl Jung. In Jungian psychology, this term describes the unconscious parts of the personality that our conscious ego doesn’t want to identify in itself. Shadow work is a process of inner work in which you bring those unwanted parts to the surface to purify, heal, and integrate into yourself. Your shadow isn’t something to be ashamed of or something to hate. It simply points to where you have work to do and where you got to give yourself more love.
In spiritual work we call this type of collective back and forth of thoughts, words, feelings, emotions and communication in humanity – Mass Consciousness. Angela always been struck by how Mass Communication and Mass Consciousness are two very different worlds of the media and spirituality that have a lot to offer each other about how to control or worsen the negative aspects of human thoughts and emotions. Mass Consciousness is the collective thoughts and emotions created, experienced and projected by humans through all time. This includes all the literature, all media, all the thoughts your ancestors had, all the thoughts you have when you’re not even aware you’re having thoughts. Some people also refer to Mass Consciousness as the thought sphere. However, Mass Consciousness is not just thoughts. It is the emotions and thoughts that have been experienced by humanity through all time. And these are not just in written form. Many cultures did not use writing, they used spoken words, they used art, architecture and all cultures had love and relationships, families, communities, tribes and these had thoughts and feelings. So Mass Consciousness is the collective of all these thoughts and feelings.
There is always a reason any social media triggers you.
Often if you watch that media, if you literally just watched how the media makes you FEEL, you would get the TRUE impact of that viral media.
Try this experiment: Before you even get on social media – take a note of how you feel and write it down. Then go on social media for 5 minutes. Get off – and notice how you feel and write down how you feel. And be honest. If you do this experiment over time. You will see the difference.
What are some Strategies to help listeners start to pay attention to how social media makes them uncaring, numb or disingenuous to their relationships?
Create or purchase a gratitude journal. Every day in the journal, write one to three things you are grateful for in your daily life. When you practice being thankful for the things and people in your life this helps you appreciate others more which in turn you become more caring.
Be aware of your emotions and feelings when on social media. Remove yourself from social media if you feel triggered and emotions of overwhelm, comparison or anger happen. Don’t reply to a post when your emotions are high, if you do need to respond. Respond back in a couple of hours when you have time to cool off, rewrite your response several times before hitting the reply button for the whole world to see. Ask someone else you trust for honest feedback before replying. Reflect after writing the response – Is it kind, is it necessary, how would you feel if someone responded to you with this response?
Work on halting the complaining and overthinking about a situation or comparison envy during and after reviewing social media. One thing Patti does is skip on by posts that she knows will trigger her.
The definition of resilience is the ability to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. Patti calls these life lessons.
Let’s say we are overthinking about a situation that can really take a toll on a person. It may cause depression, anger, suicidal thoughts, sadness, ulcers, overwhelm, uncontrollable crying, anxiety attacks, and so much more.
Being resilient is the process of healing and requires constant mental work of positive self-talk, the ability to let it go and move on.
In this podcast episode Angela and Patti explore how to be honest about what’s not working in a relationship.
“Being honest” does not mean being mean. Being honest does not mean you are right and the other person is wrong. It is sharing your feelings so things can change. Being honest means being clear about your feelings and contributing solutions to what you want to change or need based on your perception of the situation.
When you feel upset and discouraged inside towards others, pull out your journal and start writing exactly how you feel. Then, step away from the situation until you have calmed down. I know this may be hard at first, but it can change how you feel and save relationships whether it is a friendship, marriage and your reputation at work by taking these small steps.
Angela talks about Graham Gibbs created a great Reflective Practice with 6 steps that helps break down what your feelings are about a situation so that concrete actions can be implemented that help include the value of our feelings.Description of the experience Feelings and thoughts about the experience Evaluation of the experience, both good and bad Analysis to make sense of the situation Conclusion about what you learned and what you could have done differently Action plan for how you would deal with similar situations in the future, or general changes you might find appropriate.
Honesty with oneself and others is one of the biggest challenges in life. Being Authentic is not about hurting, criticizing, manipulating, pushing your viewpoint, or offending others. It’s about being kind, compassionate, respectful about the other person while keeping it real. Honesty delivered in the right way expresses wisdom, boundaries and releases expectations.
Think before you speak – Is it true, Is it helpful, Is it inspiring, Is it necessary, Is it kind (Author unknown)
Here are some reflection questions to think about and write in your journal.
* What is the difference between being honest and insensitive to others?
* How can honesty with yourself change your life and relationships at home and work?
DISCLOSURE: Please be aware that Angela and Patti may be sharing affiliate links in this podcast/post. Please know that we only ever share products and services that we use or have used ourselves and found great value.
Angela and Patti have a special guest Belle Vivienne from Belle Vivienne Coaching, joining us to discuss Dating in the Pre and Post COVID World and what opportunity for online relationships has to offer.
Belle shares her experience where people during the pandemic are not using dating creatively and using online dating to dump their emotions on potential love interests or political grief and general angst. Belle shared how important it is to focus on self-healing and not dump your feelings or hurts about past relationships on others during the podcast. Taking a look at yourself and see what needs healing so that you can come to a potential new love interest and online dating with a playful and gracious approach and have more fun!
How we do dating and how we seek romantic love and build better relationships.
In the podcast, Angela shared how she was asked by a teenager, “What is chemistry?”.
If you are in a couple, or single and looking to experience yourself more deeply, Angela offers: Movement Meditation classes where you can explore how your body can know itself at both the physical and spiritual level. If you do the class with a friend or partner you can explore healing techniques and safe ways to support your friend through the body and through the way you connect to their body. The movement mediation class is on Wednesday nights in USA and Thursday mornings Sydney. https://dancewithangelahealing.as.me/
In today’s podcast episode, we will be discussing how to fool-proof relationships so they can endure during lock-down.
With any relationship, you will have things that are going to irritate you about the other person. No one is perfect, and no relationship is either. You will have highs and lows during the partnership. For some, it is easier to walk away than to work it out. Anything worth having you have to work at it.
Now, let’s get real, there were many times Patti felt like running away, and that was pretty much my inner and outer struggles, not him. It’s okay to feel this way at times, and it’s alright to take a break to figure things out when needed. It takes two to have a healthy, thriving relationship. In relationships, you have two imperfect people with very different views on what a happy relationship should look like while trying to relate to each other, besides having a different upbringing, love languages, personalities, and values. Gary Chapman wrote a book on the 5 Love Languages.
It’s important to do things together as well. Have a date night at home – dress up, make a special dinner, etc. Sit outside with a glass of wine or beer, coffee or hot chocolate, whatever is your favorite beverage and watch the sunset, go for a walk, watch a TV show or movie together or go for a bike ride, take a drive in the car together to get outside and away from home. For more tips on surviving social isolation, we did a podcast on Episode 15 on this topic.
How are you surviving the lock-down in your relationship?
Are you looking for an activity to connect as a couple? Angela is offering an online Wednesday movement meditation class in the USA at 7:30 pm EST, which is the following day in Sydney, Australia, Thursday, where couples can explore healing touch with their partner to feel heart connection with your partner. It happens right in the comfort of your home over zoom and is excellent for those looking to do an activity that is not just watching Netflix and can break up your routine with something new and a shared activity to enjoy with each other. You can do it with a friend or child over 14 as well.
Individuals can also join in the class and discover how to feel connected to your heart and build your awareness of what love is and how easy it is when you create a supportive environment. https://dancewithangelahealing.as.me/
Some things to consider as you think about your lockdown experience.
❤️ How did you survive it, or how are you still surviving it?
❤️ What have you discovered about your relationship?
❤️ Did you blame yourself, your government, your partner, your children?
We would love to hear your answers to these questions about your lockdown experience and some inspirational relationship stories of how being in lockdown together strengthens your relationship?
Patti and Angela are intending and wishing all the best for your relationships to build stronger, resilient connections that will prosper in these times.
In this podcast episode, Angela and Patti get real and have a conversation about communicating in conflict.
When we came up with this topic, we explored being okay to say no and have a fall-out with someone. People pleasers struggle with saying no because they are scared, leading to the person not liking them or getting upset with them.
Nowadays, people are quick to avoid or ghost others instead of talking to each other. They wash their hands of people and walk away. It is easier to bail than to communicate. We hope this not the case; we know it is better to discuss things, whether pleasant or not, for relationships to last. Patti wrote a blog called “Damaged Relationships – Are They Salvageable?” It is about fall-out relationships and how unforgiveness causes physical and emotional harm.
Working relationships do have fall-outs that are not pretty. Avoidance makes more stress within the Workplace because the little things start adding up to big things when not addressed. That’s when all hell breaks loose in the Workplace, and people explode, get burnt out, start overthinking, become anxious, have low morale and no motivation, or even worse, quit and walk out without any notice. Patti did a blog called – How to Respond to Unprofessional People! Journal about what happened. Reflect on how they may respond to you. Create a plan of action on how to communicate calmly and to respond sensibly.
In the blog post series called Bad Leadership Styles. The series is how to identify different styles of Leadership with suggestions on guidance to address these negative behaviors. I will provide the link in the show notes.
Tips on How to Keep the Relationship While Dealing With Conflict:
Work on your feelings first:
❤️ Are you angry and denying it?
❤️ What are you feeling?
❤️ If it’s about being right.
❤️ Why do you need to be, right?
❤️ Being right is always based on a belief that you should be better than someone.
❤️ Why do you have to be better than someone?
If you’re listening to this in the holidays and you want to focus on having better relationships, then take this time to envision or pray or imagine the type of affection or connection you would love in your relationships.
If you have a topic or a question for us, please leave us a message on the Anchor App. Did you enjoy our podcasts? Please subscribe and leave a review.
Would you like to help support this podcast?
For a one-time any amount support donation, click the Donate button below:
In this episode, Angela and Patti discuss People’s Pleasing and how it can disappoint relationships, whether within yourself and relating to others.
People Pleasers are very helpful and usually don’t say no when someone asks them for a favor. They spend a great deal of time doing things for others and disregard their own needs. Being a People Pleaser can cause disappointment because not everyone has the same kind heart or good intentions. They can attract people who will take advantage of their generosity.
Angela and Patti share experiences of being a people pleaser, and the lessons learned.
What are a few traits of a People Pleasing?
* Seeks approval and words of affirmation
* Fears being alone
* Feelings of being selfish or guilty for not meeting the needs of others
* Irritable when others don’t take your advice
* Being the “go-to person” when someone is in need
* Covering for or taking the blame for others
* Giving money away, which can lead towards depletion
What are some characteristics of a people pleaser?
Wants to be liked by others seek to earn it by pleasing, rescuing, giving away money and things, or flattery. They may even tell little white lies to spare people’s feelings when they don’t want to do something. Wants reassurance through acceptance and affection they can’t express their needs openly and directly. They make others feel obligated to reciprocate.
The people-pleaser may want to earn acceptance by helping others. They put other people’s needs ahead of their own. When they do this, they become resentful and sometimes bitter because the other person doesn’t do the same. They harbor anger, regret, and resentment from feeling used.
At times they may feel responsible for other people’s behavior. Saying “yes” becomes a habit, and for others, it can be an addiction that makes them feel needed in someone else’s life. Feelings of security and self-confidence come from getting the approval of others. Our very first podcast episode was When to Say No and When to Say Yes!
Angela uses clairsentience and kinaesthetic in her healing. It is a huge help to not jumping into the emotions, which means developing a stronger relationship with your intuition, which has taken her years. It has also taught her that feeling for a person is not the same as helping them.
The stories created by a people pleaser to justify their actions and choices are often subtle and cover up the real story that you feel is not enough to state what you want. The damage of believing your stories that justify people-pleasing is that you will delay discovering your true worth by behaviors that keep you locked in suffering other people’s emotions or stuck in guilting others and yourself for not meeting your needs.
Patti and Angela have years of experience overcoming people-pleasing. So the answer is listening to others who overcome people-pleasing to find true self-worth and ways of communicating that in the world. And you can find out more about working with us individually below.
A People Pleaser may struggle with work-life balance, and Patti has created a self-study at your own pace 21 Days to Optimal Work/Life Balance Program that addresses how to say no for people pleasers and make better boundaries, so others don’t take advantage of them.
If you have a topic or a question for us, please leave us a message on the Anchor App. Did you enjoy our podcasts? Please leave a review.
In this episode, Angela and Patti explored criticism and how to respond without it overtaking emotions. To listen to the full episode, click here or on the media player below.
When we thought about this topic, we wanted to know how you handle constructive feedback in your relationships and the work environment.
Some say that Millennials and Gen Z are more sensitive and don’t respond proactively to criticism but instead get demotivated by criticism. So if you’re a Millennial, Gen Z, or any generation, we would love to hear your point of view.
How do you feel about criticism?
Do you want it reframed in positive language?
Can you handle someone saying they don’t like something about what you did?
Can you distinguish between criticism about something you did or said versus about you personally?
Do you find that the older generation’s language comes across critically, and you don’t like it?
Patti shares her experiences on handing criticism in the workplace, and Angela shares how we react from past perceptions of ourselves when we get criticized. Patti and Angela share how to move beyond emotions when receiving criticism and tips on how to respond.
My journal is what I want it to be, what I need it to be, each time I open it and put my pen to the page. This is what a journal is meant to be. ~ Plynn Gutman, Your Journal Companion 365 Writing Prompts to Heighten Awareness of Self and Others
(Patti) Plynn makes the journaling process easy with an entire year’s worth of thought-provoking writing prompts. She explains the emotional and physiological benefits of personal writing gives instruction on several powerful writing techniques and offers tips on “how, where, and when” to start the process.
(Patti) In that presentation, Plynn made journaling fun, easy, and relaxing. We did a few different journaling techniques with her, and I have been hooked on journaling ever since.
(Angela) I started journaling when I was 12 yrs old. At an age where I had very raw feelings, I discovered that I couldn’t put them anywhere; I could put them in my journal. This was in the 80s. For some reason, at school, my teacher had introduced that concept of a journal instead of a diary. And she taught us that a journal was where you could explore writing, but not writing for others, writing for yourself. And being a socially awkward kid who felt I didn’t belong, I found it the perfect place to write my feelings. I also felt my English teacher – Mrs. Casey, was permitting me to dispose of feelings that I didn’t want to share publicly.
(Angela) Later on, Mrs. Casey read our journals, which were part of our English work, and I wasn’t afraid of her reading my journal. And her encouragement to keep writing was key to me continuing the process of having a private space to dive into myself, my feelings, my creative thoughts, ideas, and the not so great stuff too, or my shadow. I always remember that time at school as a clear moment my teacher was giving me a way out of feeling uncomfortable in myself, and gently encouraged me to write out my feelings so that they had a safe space to be heard.
(Angela) After Mrs. Casey read my first journal, I kept my journals private, and they have been a constant resource for me to write my thoughts, ideas, and later in life, my realizations from my soul and my meditation practice.
(Angela) I often wonder what would have happened if I didn’t have that first year of writing encouraged by a teacher. Would I have written anyway? I don’t know.
(Angela) I do know that the habit of using a journal started very young for me and has saved my relationships by giving me a space to write my feelings, see my feelings and not project my feelings on others because my priority of journaling gave me the habit of writing my feelings in an attempt to externalize them, to try to understand them and this developed to a deeper level the most important relationship, the relationship with myself by writing my feelings and reading them, and developing an ongoing relationship with myself so that I could understand my feelings.
(Angela) To this day – I can go back and read some of the old journals, and still discover things about myself. Some things have stayed constant over time, and some things have changed so significantly, and that has helped me learn the power of recording and watching my journey in life through journaling.
(Patti) When I was probably about 9 to 10 years old, my Mom or Grandmother gave me a diary that had a lock and key. I wonder what happened to it. It would have been fun to read what I wrote in it today.
(Angela) Patti – I have a question: When you discovered the power of journaling with Plynn – How did you start using it in your life and relationships?
(Patti) Great question Angela, journaling was new to me. It opened up so many things for me. Instead of verbally sharing my feelings and emotions on someone else I started using journaling. This helped me not project my anger or judgment on others. Plynn’s book and app have daily journaling prompts, which helped me get into the habit of journaling. She made it easy to want to journal. Then I moved on to journaling on my own. When upset or needed to brain dump or brainstorm for solutions to problems, I would journal whether in a relationship or feelings that needed to be released. These are private thoughts that I was feeling at that moment. Sometimes I would burn or shred what I wrote. I also keep an idea journal, career journal, and a scattered journal. A scatter journal is a journal that I put random thoughts in. My made-up word for the scattered journal. I watched a documentary that Agatha Christie would write down ideas all over the place in journals.
(Patti) What are some of the biggest challenges in starting to journal?
Or not knowing how?
(Patti) Choose a time to journal daily. It can be when you get up in the morning, on your lunchtime, or before going to sleep. You may want to use journaling prompts or self-reflect about your day. Journaling can open up your mind to change and inspire you to pursue your dreams, aspirations, and goals. It allows you to alter your thoughts, which block you. Find someplace peaceful, quiet that you can think and write.
(Patti) When the weather’s nice, I like to journal outside on my patio. Some of my best journaling experiences are when on vacation or camping. Being outdoors is very refreshing. Schedule journaling time and be consistent. You can journal anywhere.
Some of my best journaling experiences are when on vacation or camping. Being outdoors is very refreshing. Schedule journaling time and be consistent. You can journal anywhere. ~ Patti Oskvarek, Leadership and Work-Life Balance Coach
(Patti) What do you need for journaling?
Pen and Paper or
A notebook or journal or
There are journal apps or
Journaling Prompts on Pinterest, Writing Coaches Websites, etc.
(Angela) Tip: You can choose a time of day that suits your journal’s focus and the best way to maximize your consciousness.
(Angela) The morning is good for setting your intent and energy for the day.
(Angela) The night before sleep is good for reviewing problems, patterns, and whether you achieved your goal for the day, or if you set an intention for your relationships to be calm in the morning, in the evening, you can review – How did this go?
(Angela) I sometimes set myself a journal exercise, for example at noon to review my feelings, so I set the alarm and check in with my feelings at noon and write.
(Angela) What time of day do you naturally feel like looking inward? If you don’t have a habit of looking inward, you can start by setting a time to focus on one question. Write on it – and then after one week of journaling, ask yourself, was this the best time for me to journal? If not, ask yourself what a better time to journal is. Sometimes we create obstacles to journaling because you’re trying to write at the wrong time of day that is the best time of day to connect with yourself and your intuition. I have clients who have resistance to journaling, and sometimes it’s because they are writing at the wrong time of the day or week.
(Angela) If you are not really convinced that journaling can change you in a way that brings outer world success, you can measure this success. When you journal over time, you can watch the change in your connection to your inner world, which changes the way you act or behave in your relationships.
(Angela) Journaling over a period of time with gradual and consistent practice brings deep change. It’s like water dripping on a rock over time. You get this beautiful shape formed by the water constantly moving through the rock.
(Angela) Patti has some specific questions to answer in your journal about relationships which could start to change the way you understand yourself and your relationships. And these questions you can come back to over time to build an ongoing relationship with yourself. This is how coaches use questions to write answers to develop self-knowledge and deepen your relationship with yourself.
(Patti) Here is some Journaling prompts to deepen and save your relationships: Most of these prompts can be used with any relationship type—friendship, romantic, family, or work.
Describe what you want in the relationship?
Describe what you don’t want in the relationship?
What is the relationship like at the moment?
What is working well in the relationship?
What one thing can you do to make the relationship better and more of what you want it to be?
What does love mean to you?
What does love mean to your partner?
What is meaningful about the relationship?
What are some of your expectations for the relationship?
What is meaningful about your relationship?
(Angela) Number 6 – What does love mean to you that could be a whole book for one person!
(Angela) Questions from a coach can make journaling a lot more structured for anyone unsure where to start when it comes to your relationships. We’ll have those questions in the show notes.
(Angela) And the beauty of a question like number 6 – What does love mean to you – you can keep writing on this topic for many years.
(Angela) I want to invite listeners if there is anything that persistently bugs you – like – why do people act the way they do, why are people unkind – these are great topics to start writing on. I used to write on desire because I was obsessed with understanding why do we want things? Why do we want a person, why do we want an experience in life – and this was a large part of what I wrote on – to understand what I was curious about in the human condition.
(Angela) Curiosity is something that journaling can help you discover more and feed into your relationships.
(Angela) If you have a love relationship that has gotten stale, often there is a deeper need to understand something.
(Angela) It’s very easy to complain about your partner, being ‘not this or not that.’
(Angela) But how often do you get curious about how your partner thinks, why they do the things they do – and also what inspires them.
(Angela) When you journal on questions like:
(Angela) 10 What is meaningful about your relationship?
(Angela) You can start to share deeper things with your partner.
(Angela) That question Patti reminds me about another topic we want to have as a podcast – Can you say I love you? I find people are so unaware of what is the meaning of a relationship – and don’t know how to say “I love you” because they never had the time to contemplate what is the significance of a person to them – or Why a relationship has meaning and value for them. This is why coaching is so valuable – We give clients these value-based questions to help them find meaningful information.
(Angela) And you can always use these questions to go deeper with yourself in the writing process. When you find deeper meaning in your relationship, you can value it and look at it differently instead of getting stuck on what the blocks in the relationship will be. If you don’t know what is meaningful in a relationship, you can’t save the relationship because you don’t know why you want the relationship.
If you don’t know what is meaningful in a relationship, you can’t save the relationship because you don’t know why you want the relationship. ~ Angela Ambrosia, Love and Relationship Coach
(Patti) Journal even when you are feeling disengaged, upset, disappointed, or confused about your relationship, this can be one of the best times to reflect on the relationship situation and get out every ugly thing that has been left unsaid.
(Patti) Journal about happy times in your relationships and refer back to those moments to remind you why you love that person. Create happy moments or gratitude journals.
(Patti) Why is this good for relationships?
(Patti) When you journal about your feelings, you are not taking those emotions out on others. It lets you brain dump and removes all toxic thoughts. Once those emotions and thoughts have been exhaled you can move into rational solutions.
(Angela) Some questions on feelings when you get to a block in a relationship, or your feelings are hurt or coming up.
What am I feeling?
Why am I feeling this?
Is this my feeling – or am I picking up someone else’s feelings?
(Angela) Sometimes, especially if you are an emotional or sensitive person, you get lost in a feeling thinking it is yours, but in relationships, we also are feeling and impacted by the feelings of those we are in a relationship with especially close loved ones, children, parents, lovers, and friends. And even co-workers or neighbors have a deep impact on us especially if we are around them regularly.
(Angela) Patti, Have did you use journaling to save relationships in the work environment?
(Patti) Yes, I had a work journal. I used it to problem solve, work out issues, and emotions. I also gave my staff at the time a work journal. Some used the journal, and some did not. It was their personal choice whether to use it or not. Dumping your thoughts into the work journal helped in so many ways, instead of projecting emotions on others. It gave time to self-reflect instead of a knee-jerk reaction to a solution or problem. I wish I used it more than I did. It could have changed outcomes for the better. Daily work interactions are very much learning experiences when working with others. There are different points of view and work backgrounds. Reflecting on the situation through journaling gives you a new perspective of maybe I could do it differently with a better result.
(Angela) Patti, How did you use journaling to problem solve and brainstorm at work?
(Patti) When something comes up that I need to figure out, pulling out the journal helps make lists of how to solve the problem or situation by brainstorming solutions or ideas to develop different ways to tackle issues or communicate with others. Then brainstorm with others the ideas you’ve come up with. So when I brainstorm, I freestyle the process with no editing. When you edit while you write, your critic’s brain comes out, and you use the flow of ideas. No idea is a bad idea when in the brainstorming process. Working with others in a group journaling on the whiteboard ideas is an excellent way to come with something you wouldn’t think of. Working as a team and journaling is a way to throw out ideas towards solutions. Ask a question to the team and have them journal for solutions. I’ve seen great ideas come up when doing this. Individuals have private time to think and then feel comfortable sharing ideas when they feel safe. People need to feel that they won’t be criticized or reprimanded for their ideas for people to share.
(Angela) Tip: I have recently reviewed some journals where I did a dump of some quite dark emotions. On the one hand, it was good to see that I no longer feel that way. However, I also burned some of the old journals that I felt were no longer me, and the words or feelings in the journal were not something I want to keep. I tore out a few pages, and a few whole journals went into the fire. Sometimes, the writing isn’t necessary to stay forever; sometimes, the writing is to be kept to remind you in your future of where you came from, and how different or connected that is to where you are now.
(Angela) So if you have something that is particularly dark – you can always burn it, which releases the energy.
(Angela) And if you burn something and later think – oh, I wish I hadn’t destroyed it – you can always make a quiet time, sit and think. What was the relevance of what I wrote to what I am moving through now in my life?
(Angela) The significance of what you wrote will still be inside you somewhere, even if your words are not the same. The meaning and feeling will be accessible, and you can connect to it, and journal on the significance of that past piece of journaling.
(Patti) I find that journaling is good for you in so many ways. If there is something, you never want to be seen by others, destroy it by burning or shredding it. Those are your personal thoughts in time, and it is an excellent way to release them. Keep your journals in a secure private place. There are journal apps, and you can make a secure password-protected document on your computer for journaling as well.
(Angela) Try out journaling and let us know if it has made a positive difference in your relationships with others.
(Patti) If you have a topic or a question for us, please leave us a comment or voice message on the Anchor App. You can also listen to this podcast on most major podcast listening platforms like Apple and Spotify.
Do you enjoy our podcasts? If so, What about becoming a supporter.
DISCLOSURE: Please be aware that Angela and Patti may be sharing affiliate links in this podcast/post. Please know that we only ever share products and services that we use or have used ourselves and found great value.